Ethical issues behind casting kids from the slum

A hollywood movie gaining widespread acclaim world over, has two kids in the (sort of) lead role who are from below poverty line background. The child actor Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail who plays smallest Salim in the movie Slumdog Millionaire and the girl Rabina (or Rubiana Ali) who plays youngest Latika are from the slums of Mumbai.

In an interview on BBC, Danny Boyle was asked the question that I had on my mind when I first heard about the kids. "Were there ethical issues with casting kids from such poor background and putting them in a hollywood movie and earning so much money at such a young age?"

Well, Danny Boyle (or someone else on their team) figured out a very unique and good way to help guide these kid's life on he right track. They've put the kids into a school and there's a trust fund set up that will activate when they finish their high school at age 16. I sure hope they stay in there and get the education and the money they deserve.

Go read this article and tell me it doesn't bring tears to your eyes.

boring weekend

People when they meet you after the weekend, they generally ask how it went, what did you do, yada yada... They always want to hear something exciting, maybe you went to a crazy party, saw a new movie, or whatever.. My weekend however, was rather dull. Except for the one little thing that happened Sunday morning-afternoon ish.

I was talking to my mom, which almost always gets me really irritated and in a short tempered mood. I was also simultaneously talking to sujata. Ah, I wish abhinav was online right now.. I could have told him this incident much more comfortably. And also gotten some kind of response... which is almost never the case with blog posts. Anyways, so I was frustrated and had lost all will to do anything. Just the previous night, I was working till way past 3 am. I thought I could get up and do the same today. But 'mom' happened.

She was going through my flickr library and asking me all kinds of questions.. about the places I was, people I was with, etc. Mom also asked me about the stupid locket I was supposed to keep wearing at all times.. I had to put it on in front of her... but then I realized the camera had stopped streaming video for some reason... LOL. Suju was telling me about her friend Ashwin. Then divya navigated to the photo of Sachin's birthday party. And mom asked me about Vodka..which by the way, Divya seemed more worried about than mom. God Div! stop mothering me! And as I told this to Suju, she asks me,

sujata bhagwat: are u closer to your mom or dad?
yash_unique: don't know
sujata bhagwat: or both or none?
yash_unique: none?
sujata bhagwat: as in not both
yash_unique: yep
sujata bhagwat: ok
yash_unique: why?
sujata bhagwat: who do u open up to?
yash_unique: don't make me say it...
sujata bhagwat: ?!
sujata bhagwat: ok chhod
yash_unique: phew! I didn't think I'd get off the hook so soon
sujata bhagwat: are we playing DA soon?
yash_unique: doesn't look like it
sujata bhagwat: great then i shud sleep
sujata bhagwat: i dont want a designer face 2moro morning
yash_unique: lol
sujata bhagwat: seriously man
yash_unique: are yaar ab papa bhi aa gaye pooch taach karne ke liye
sujata bhagwat: they are obviously concerned
yash_unique: lets drop that topic!

Then, as she didn't respond for a long time... I had to say something.. even though I didn't want to.. because this is one of the really depressing things I could talk about.. I went on.. "ok, wait, I open up to abhinav. and I used to talk to Pranav.. Parent's are asking about my friends...Why aren't you saying anything...?" Finally I figured she'd slept and I said, "nice talking to you. good night." and I got one last message.. "I might be wrong, but right now u need a tight hug and a tight slap, both to bring u to your senses!"

hmm... I decided to call her up. Finally got through on my third try. I started slowly.. trying to lead up to the conversation where we had left off.. I wish I was recording that conversation.. there were some really trong things said. And I was in tears, laughing out loud so Sujata wouldn't realize. The tears were just indicative of the sad realization that it was true I did need a hug and maybe a slap. I had changed, and I didn't like how things are one bit. Don't like them at all, but have to live with it.

But gradually conversation moved to something more pleasant and I actually started feeling better. And I casually asked how's pranav doing. And Sujata tries to read into it.. and asked if I really wanted to know. Great! I tried so hard to make it sound like I cared, and now she puts me in the spot. A long pause later, she proceeded... And our conversation proceeded. Which unfortunately was cut short because of a network glitch. I didn't call her back as it was already pretty late. But I hope she's not upset about it.

Grandfather's Mansion

Its been so long since my last blog post that I myself have forgotten what I last talked about. So I'm just going to start with last night's dream.

I dreamt that I was standing in a room that had a lot of its original furnishings removed. I could tell by looking at the size and cleanliness of the room that it was an old style mansion of a rich person. I was talking to an elder lady who could have been my aunt. I was curious about something I saw...On the floor where a bed used to be, there was a trap door.

My grandfather's house, or 'haveli' as I like to call it, the house I was born into, had something similar. There was the staircase outside, that was used by everyone to get upstairs. And then there was the staircase that led from inside of the ground floor to the bedroom upstairs where my parents and I slept. It wasn't a hidden or trap door, it was a pretty well built flight of stairs. But it didn't have any source of light except the door that opened into my room. So as a kid, it was kinda adventurous or even scary to go through. Still, I used to love that route to sneak in and out of parents' sight.

So I believe that's where I was in my dream. Sure the dream doesn't render everything exactly as you remember it, it embellishes a few things. And my Grandfather's house was demolished a few years ago. So in the dream, I must have been there right before that house was about to be demolished. Talking about why the trap doors were made and why you don't see them in new houses... I would love to have trap doors like that or secret passages in my home. They provide a safe/secret exit in case of danger. Kinda like the Batman penthouse in 'The dark Knight'.

I never saw that old house being demolished. I was in pune when I heard from family that the old house is being brought down. Leaves me thinking about why, in my dream, I wanted to go there. I think the significance of this dream is that I am still looking for a way out. I can't let other people know, or I am afraid to admit it, but I want to sneak out. And in a way it's true. I have been wanting to somehow screw up so bad that my parents have no choice but to bring me back.

Addition:
In other relevant news, my grandfather passed away 26th october in his sleep. It was just 5 am IST when I got the news. I loved my grandfather. Much more than my grandma. I had so much fun with him when I was young. He brought me a lot of joy.

I had heard this somewhere, the Egyptians believe when one dies and goes to heaven, the gods ask the person two questions before they let him into heaven. "Did you find joy in your life? and Have you brought joy to others." And I would just like to tell my Grandpa that the answer to the second question is yes!

The need for tears

Clackety clackety clack. Yep, that's the sound of this old keyboard. Manufacturer, TVS. I'm surprised its still being used. Well, anyways, the reason I'm using it to type this post is because load shedding in pune has been increased to 6 hours a day. So I don't know if I'll have electricity at the flat when I get there later today. Also, Blogger automatically saves drafts. So even if the power suddenly goes out here, when the computer shuts down becaue there's no UPS, my post is safe.

Now, lets talk. Have you ever felt the need to be sad? When all of a sudden, you really needed to cry for no apparent reason? I have. And I don't really know why. It happened once few weeks ago. I started thinking about the song "through heaven's eyes" from the movie 'Prince of Egypt'. It had been a while since I had heard it. The song is really touching and has a very profound message. The first line goes:
A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

I really wanted to feel that emotion that I felt the last time I heard the song, and I really wanted to cry. I wanted to let my tears flow. So I put the movie on.

I was lying down on the mattres and I asked Pranav to turn off the light, "Its too bright, Its hurting my eyes." As the movie progressed and got to the song, I roled over and turned my back to Pranav. The song started, the lyrics sank in, and the tears started to flow. I was crying but I was feeling really happy. Its ineffable.

Similar thing happened yesterday. Remember the part in the last post where I mention 'the secret'? Well, in trying to apply that to my life, I had been making an effort to not get upset or anxious about anything and be in a perpetual god mood. But late last night, just as I was going to bed, I suddenly wanted to be sad again. I wanted to talk to someone about things that would provoke melancholy. And I was in the same mood as I woke up. I went and told the dream I had to pranav, and I kinda choked.. I had a lump in my throat, I was very close to crying. I'll talk about the dream in some other post.

Right now, I'm just wondering does this only happen to me?

Move along people, nothing to see here.

hello myke,

Thanks so much for your letter. It really made my day. you know its hard, but knowing that people care about me, makes me not want to kill myself anymore...I'm justjoking. -see? I'm in a much better mood already.

That is what I was going to start my reply to myke with. But I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. If he doesn't share the same sense of humor, he'll think I was being a smartass and not taking his sincere letter seriously. But I was really impressed by his letter.

When I found out that my portfolio didn't make the cut off, I was devastated. I felt everyone's gonna look at me like I'm a big failure. But that was just me. After some motivational reading from 'Failing forward', I felt much better. Last wednesday I met myke at the info session, and I told him I didn't make it. I didn't feel anything. After a day of sulking because my parents(mom) didn't take it too well, I was again, back to normal. But, I didn't contact gerard or myke about it. I felt I was on my own and I had to clean up my own mess. Aniruddh bhaiya told me to contact anuj and so I did.

Then out of the blue, I got gerard's email last night. He said he found out from myke that I didn't get in, he was really sorry, and offered to help if I needed him. I was really surprised. In a happy way. Someone's reaching out to me. Someone who's not a friend, or family, but only a professional acquaintance. (I am not sure that sounds right when talking about a teacher...) Today, I got a really heart warming email from myke. He said he enjoyed working with me, and liked my character designs and the energy I put into work and class. *shattering noise* (people who've seen that episode of how I met your mother will know what it means) I had a prejudice that everyone will now see me as a looser, failure, all those bad things. But I guess that was just me. Myke said sheridan is missing out on a high quality student.

And, it wasn't just him. even Kirsten in 3D class today asked me whether I got in, and when I said no, she said "you're such a hard working student, I would have said you're definitely getting in. But again, what would I know" Now, by the last sentence, she was only trying to be politically right, as in, she's not the authority on who gets into animation. But The first part she said really means a lot to me. I talked to her more after a while, and she was being really supportive, saying that there's probably some other nice thing right around the corner. She told me about the time portfolio review people at OCAD snickered at her and told her you're not getting into alberta college with this. And she did get into alberta college.

I wonder why my parents have never told me anything like that. Did they never have to come across such a thing in their life?

Not accepted into animation, YET.

Yesterday, after talking to my parents and sujata, I was feeling so bad, I didn't want to go out and show anyone my face. I figured I should involve myself in something. Something that will give me instant gratification. Since sex was out of the question, (seeing as to how I don't have a girlfriend, and I refuse to ..you know.. pay for sex...) I picked up a different project. I decided to try and use my cellphone as a remote for my camera. And I spent almost all day on that. And my last blog post was a journal of the whole process.

But in the end, I was excited. I went downstairs, and brought up nick. I showed him why he couldn't use my cellphone today. (His phone's undergoing repairs) We joked and talked about the serious stuff, but this time I was ok. I was ok telling everyone that I didn't get into animation except my parents. Because I feared the aftermath. Last time I didn't quite live upto their expectations, was 12th grade. I still remember how the whole thing went down. Right in the middle of our vacation in mumbai. The look on my dad's face. The disbelief in my mom's eyes. We were in a cab, and still my dad didn't hesitate to yell at me. It was one of the worst days of my life.

A few days ago, when I was talking to mom, I could tell she was anxious about the result. But she reassured me by saying "jo hoga, hoga. tune apni poori koshish kiya na." I can't remember when anyone said something like that to me. Everyone always saw me as being the slacker. I was told things like "you'll regret not studying harder." or "I never saw you studying. you NEVER STUDY!" I always got the rap for being a lazy, distracted and vain kid. But yesterday when I told mom I didn't get in, she didn't do that. I could tell she was upset but she didn't sound at all angry. We talked briefly about the things to do now. I even told her I spent $560 dollars on a camera, and she didn't tell me I was extravagant or spendthrift.

The conversation with sujata was a whole another deal. I wanted to know how she felt about not getting into NID and studying in the creative I college. And perhaps, what I feel now, (I will forever regret not getting into sheridan animation) will change in the future, for the better. I will give my parents the chance to read "Failing forward" Might even put up some of my favourite quotes on my wall or notice board. meh. Whatever!

There are signs

Continued from the post "Not accepted into animation, yet"

It may sound or appear like I am taking this well. And I like to think so too. But last night I realized I had kinda lost it, for one whole day. See, when I first found out that my portfolio didn't make it to the cutoff, I came back home, started drawing, and then mickey called....Or did I call him up? That's not important. We decided to go catch a movie. Because what mickey said was "you should say, I'm gonna give myself one hour to feel sorry for myself. Then I'm gonna stop sulking.." Lat night, I realized that I had not talked to people for the most of the day. And I said, ok, I've sulked for a day, and now I am going to go downstairs and get something to drink or eat.

I went downstairs, talked to jon and steph. I had a couple wings and I made myself a glass of milk. I came back upstairs then went to bed a while later. I was really tired. Don't know how. I hadn't done any physically draining activity. I also hadn't had any lunch! My food habits have been rather erratic for the last couple of days. This morning I realize I've lost some weight.

I don't want to land in India looking skinny. Because if they see me skinny, my whole story of "I haven't lost any weight in canada." will look false. So I tried to eat more today. I had some grapes/assorted fruits, a sandwich and half a pizza all day. I was feeling hungry earlier, and I went down to get some milk. And realized there were lumps in the milk. My calculations prove that I didn't even finish half of the two liter milk carton in about 2+weeks. I had to throw that out. My juice seems to have some fibrous stuff forming in it... I'm still drinking it tho. It can't possibly kill me. Cream cheese has started smelling funny too. Will throw it out whenever I feel like it.

This makes me think what was my repression from food was for. like people who eat a lot under stress, do I skip food when I'm stressed?

"But I don't think I'm stressed."
"Oh really? What's with the grinding teeth then?"
"I don't grind my teeth. The toothache is just....candy!"
"halloween was over 5 months ago stupid."

Ok, I admit I've been grinding on my teeth involuntarily as of late. But I stop it as soon as I realize that I'm doing it. (But the tooth and jaw ache just won't go away)....
...

whoa. I just blanked out. I guess I'll just publish it now.

I salute you

I came here to Canada, without any friends. Al alone, and really lonely for a really long time. Then Slowly, I ended up making a few friends.... A few more people I would talk to, interact with, And I thought things were starting to look up. But I guess as they say, 'duniya gol hai' Life has come a full circle in canada, And I'm feeling pretty much like I did last march. Vironica just demanded that I stop having mickey over. No more sleepovers, hanging out, ordering thai. No more cooking Indian food for people, no more dinner partys.

I'm even talking to fewer people in my class. No one comes and sits next to me. Don't get invited to game nights. Infact, the class last year was way better. I miss all the jokes and hulabaloo that used to happen in class. All this just makes me feel like I couldn't leave this place sooner. I want to go visit my friends in India. I miss how I could talk to Harsh and Suraj about ANYTHING! I know someone who found me funny...(Divya) And a lot of people who would make fun of me, and that doesn't bother me at all. Atleast they acknowledged me! They noticed my stupid hairdo or my ugly t shirt. Or that I needed to shave already!

This post goes out as a tribute to all those who pulled my leg at every opportunity I gave them. This goes out to everyone who pranked me. Those who laughed at my jokes, those who made me laugh with their jokes. Ones who I'd share every second of my day, and also ones who shared every bit of detail about their life.

Happy birthday pranjali

I came back from the digital media class early today because I had a little stomachache. I figured if I get to my place in time, I could still call up pranjali to wish her on her birthday. I remembered last night that it was her birthday, but I was busy with my portfolio stuff so didn't end up calling her. It was round 11:30 pm IST and I tried her cell multiple times, but it always said she was busy on another call. In despair, I decided to call up pranav, talk to him for a bit. And he sounded very low. I asked what's up, and he said robbers broke into his house.

I was really shocked! He said they broke in from the kitchen, took all the valuables and destroyed almost everything else! I was SO  shocked and appalled! I didn't know what to say! I told him I am really sorry that this happened, and hope they get compensated for this or at least get their stuff back. I didn't think I should talk about anything else, it would be very appropriate, but I still mentioned that I was trying to reach pranjali, because its her birthday. I asked how everyone else is holding up. I'm pretty sure his little sister must be just terrified! I really hope they can put this behind them. I asked him to keep me updated on it.

I would do anything I can to help him out right now. I tried calling up sujata right after, but incoming calls on her cellphone were blocked. Dammit! I had a dream this morning. I was thinking about it constantly in the digital media class, and felt that I should blog it. The dream was about me coming to India really randomly, right before my portfolio submission date. I don't really remember seeing a clear reason why, but I boarded the next flight to India, and when I landed, arjun bhaiya's friends were there to pick me up. I also remember meeting sonu didi, tina and taiji. Thinking about the dream, I go, where are the others? What's the significance of these people in the dream. And oddly enough, I wonder, did I ever get my portfolio in to the assessment at sheridan? 

I think I'm gonna cancel the movie. I just wanna stay home. Talk to my friends. Send Pranav a bunch of emails that he'll never read. Listen to songs that will make me even sadder.

If I had my life to live over again

If I had my life to live over again, I would have done the following things differently... or better... or maybe not done them at all. If you just feel like responding, I would Love to know what you would have done differently.

I would have continued going outside and mingling with my school friends instead of staying in front of the telly at home or using the computer at my dad's office. I really don't know when this phase began. All I can remember is, one day I'm playing cricket with arpit and his bros, hanging at rohin's place, having rahul over at my house,letting rohit use my computer and basically just having fun. But the next day I feel kinda awkward talking to arpit, feeling sorry for breaking rohin's glasses, thinking I don't need rahul's phone number anymore because I will go make more friends in pune...

I would have stayed away from sandeep and tushar and buddies in fergusson,Or I would have stood up to their bullying and put an end to it... I don't know how, but I would have tried to...

I would have not let (the one) stupid prank hurt me so much. And I would have mustered up the courage to ask (a someone) to be my friend.

I would have tried harder to get access to a good computer so that I could keep practicing my skills on digital art. 2d, 3d, images and video (animation). I would have never stopped drawing, painting and sculpting. I still remember these amazing drawings I did as a kid, and nice coloured renderings I did, and the nice modeling clay sculptures I built. I really regret neglecting traditional art.

I wouldn't have thrown all those tantrums about not wanting to drink milk. I would have been a good boy and finished my glass of milk real quick. These days, I am consuming more milk than I ever was, and I really like it.

Maybe I would have worked harder for getting into sheridan, maybe I would have asked aniruddh bhaiya to find out about it, and applied for art fundies sooner....

Actually, no! I Wouldn't do anything that could interfere with me getting into creative I college. There, I'd have Worked harder on my assignments. Plus, I'd have made more of an effort to interact with my other classmates, who make me happier. Because now, I have realized that more people cared about me than I thought. Even if they don't care as much, they do acknowledge me, talk to me, seek my word on something, and that is an amazing feeling.

I'll end this for now, because the list can keep going on and on. I would like to read what you have to say before I continue. And if I don't get enough response, I'll know you don't care for it.

The special hugs

I really have no idea how to go about this blog entry, but I just want to say how special a feeling it is when you hug someone you're really close to. The time stops and you let everything go. Its like instant nirvana. Nothing else is on your mind you dont give a crap about the rest of the world.And the first memory I have of this realization is with harsh.

I dont remember how old I was. But I'm sure It was in the summer vacation, as always, that we went to seoni to visit them, but it felt like it had been a really long time since I saw harsh this time. And for the same obvious reason, I was very very impatient to see him. As soon as I got to the house in seoni, I looked all over the place, but couldn't find him. I asked mamiji and found out he was at his friend's house.

Luckily, I knew this friend and his house which was just a short walk down the street. I literally ran down my house, along the street and up his house. Asked "Aunty Harsh kaha hai?" (where is Harsh?) and walked into the room, called out- 'Harsh!' No awkwardness, no shame, not even thinking that I'm in someone else's house and stretched my arms out wide. Harsh came to me and we hugged. Embraced each other as tightly as we could and just stay still in that position for what seemed like an eternity. I wont even be able to describe to you in person, what it looks like in my head when I reminiss about that moment.

Now, a catalogue of all the hugs I got as I wished every one last goodbyes before leaving for canada. First one was at my place on the 23rd. I was gonna leave for akola and it had been confirmed that I was gonna come again but pranav wasn't sure whether he'd be here. Though he did meet me again and yet again, it was a really precious moment.

And when I came back to pune on 27th, I was hopin we'd go watch happy feet this time. The plan materialized and We met at inox and he crushed me with his powerful grip. He was with me the whole day and he even came over to my place,stayed for the night and left in the mornin. Then, there was yet another hug from him. I haven't got words to describe how it felt.. Or Maybe its just writer's block. I've got more to mention now, but will save them for part two.

P.S. Happy new year ya'll.

An sms to keep the blues away

I was really tired and irritated and gloomy. Mom had been yelling at me all day to do chores around the house and I needed a break but I didnt get it. I was just standing around like a zombie doing nothing which made mom even more angry! (This was like a cycle..) then she yells at me and that makes me even more pissed.

And I didnt see any light at the end of the tunnel. Seemed like my miseries will never end..because I wasnt ready to deal with that attitude of hers and she wouldnt take any of my "laziness".. She demanded that I clean up my room but I replied with a big NO! just then, I got an sms from a dear friend and everything changed.. I was feeling all better and I even said yes and did the next chore mom assigned to me without any hesitation. And for me, to do "chores" "WITHOUT HESITATION" is a big deal!!!

So, I`m analysing why this is so.. Pranav rarely smses me these days..even as a reply to my smses..This used to annoy and make me very uncomfortable in the beginning but I`m ok with it now..I`ve learnt to deal with it. But still, I always expect to see his name in the sender box. And there are many moments of disappointment but I`m still always optimistic.. Thus when that moment finally arrives, that my expectations are fulfilled, its something I cant describe.. even I dont have words for that.

what if sumit were to do the same thing? He is one person I know who ALWAYS helps me out in crisis..mainly my emotional ups and downs.. its like I`m always suffering from pms..(this is physically not possible that was just sarcasm) and still sumit hasn`t ever gotten frustrated and told me to "go fuck yourself"... he has the patience of a saint I tell ya! so if my only psychiatrist stops "treating" me, I`ll be in an institution before long.

This leaves me thinking, would it have a similar effect on my friends if I start replying to smses only once in a bluemoon..I should give them a chance to miss me huh? And surprise them with an sms once in a while.. But I couldnt do that. I cant be aloof.. my peeps are indispensable to me. The silent and aloof kind is not me.so I`ll keep announcing daily events to everyone related to it and who would be interested, as long as I have balance in my cell. Because an sms is enough to keep the blues away.
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blog things
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wishes

now they're both gone

There's no electricity in the house and not a spark of life in the kitten. Now Div's trying to keep it in. But i think Div's already cried her share when the black kitten was hurt..

Its my turn to mourn..to pay that cute kitten tribute. In my own way- my blog. Some people have told me a gifted writer but now they have been proved wrong(no offence guys) because I dont have any words to describe this strong emotion I'm feeling right now. Luckily, I haven't had to encounter the death of someone very close to me till date..(its usually been someone of someone's someone) Now I know better how they felt. I'm thinking to keep this short so i'll stop.

I'd love to hear from you, please leave a comment if u will.

sent frm my E60

Rest in peace poor kitten

I just have to share the bad news of a beloved one`s demise with you..
Approx 20 days ago, A cat gave birth to two kittens in our house and abandoned them. Mom knew that these little kittens would never survive outside the house on their own. Thus we decided to take care of them till they were old enough. We would almost never let them go downstairs for fear of the dogs and pigs near our house.

But today, One of the kittens had wandered downstairs when I wasnt home and my sister wasnt paying attention and was attacked by a dog. Its backbone broke...we took it to the vet who just gave it two anesthetic/antiseptic/painkiller injections and we had to bring it back because we had to go to to a "bhandara".But divya didnt go.When I got back home, the kitten was sleeping with its sibling and my sister finally slept after crying for a long time...

I was just on the pc like always checking mails orkutting and posting images to flickr when Dad came to me and called me out to see something. I walked out to see the injured kitten`s behind eaten by its sibling...it was horrible. We will just have to put it away we agreed. I didnt have the nerve to touch it. I said we`ll have to call one of the workers from downstairs to take it somewhere. Right now, even I was feeling like crying. I dont know what will happen when Divya finds out...

And its pretty sure by now that it wont survive.Not even its sibling wanted it to survive...poor thing. I am really sorry I couldnt take enough care of it. I hope god forgives us for the negligance and may its soul rest in peace.
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my life
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Kitten