Saturday, April 25, 2009

Wow Mickey!

This is all you. Thisblog post hasbeen provoked by: Mickey.

I skipped going to the pub night and the house party downstairs, because I wanted to stay at home tonight. Rest. I had a tiring squash game today; After a break of a few weeks, and I have a class to go to tomorrow.

As I was finishing laundry, Mickey starts chatting with me. And he said something that made me a little furious. But he wasn't wrong. His point: that, I am a good friend when it comes to asking for monery or a place to stay but I'm never there for emotional support.

I recalled all these instances of us both sitting together and talking, both before and after I had been denied admission in Sheridan college animation program. We were at Laurice(the restaurant) or at my place, his place, in the go train, at chapters.. We talked about 'the human condition' in every possible way. At times, both were troubled. More often, it was just Mickey. The Mickey I know, didn't like talking about himself.. He wouldn't even want me to tell my parents I'm hanging out with him, what he's studying, where he's from, etc. (Is Mickey racist or does he think my parents are? LOL j/k) Actually, I can understand that. I've had my own reasons for doing the same thing in the past. I remember having such low self esteem that I didn't want anybody talking about or knowing what I'm doing.

And since mickey has, on more than one occasion, refused to share with me about what's going on with him, I FINALLY picked up on that blatantly obvious hint that he doesn't want to talk and stopped asking him. I just believe in my head that like all those times he was troubled and was talking to me, he'll come and talk to me about things when he's ready. (and I guess he did that today.)

I have never been the motivational speaker that mickey is. Nor the probing psychiatrist like suju. In trying to cheer me up as I was leaving canada in summer 2008, Mickey told me, "you'll come back to Canada." And I did. Suju's thing might have worked on others, but She tried to do that routine on me and it led to irrepreble damage to our relationship.(or so I thought for.. I dunno about 4 days?)

I am the one who never knows what to say. I'd be lying if I claim I have ever said anything profound to Doni when he told me things are not going well relationship or career wise. But I could sense that in just telling those things to someone, he was feeling a little better. And I was feeling better that I'm not the only one on this side of the planet who has things on one's mind. That time, never for one second I thought to myself, "Oh god, shut up I'm not really interested, I just asked because it's the formal thing to do." (That happened when I was talking to someone else on the phone once.) Kinda became a back and forth thing between Doni and I. Next time up, I didn't hesitate to tell him what's bothering me. And he retaliates. This wasn't limited to the sad times. I force him to get off his ass and come play squash sometime, he forces me to come play other times. Like I drag him out of his room in the cold to go to bk. Next time it's his turn to ask me to come to bk, I have to go.

I don't know where I'm going with this. If you do, well and good. If not, let's just say I'm putting it out there. This was just what my mind was musing as I tried to fall asleep...
I had to write this, as I couldn't go to sleep and this thing was going round and round in my head as I lay in bed resting my neck.

So if your decision is to stop talking to me because I don't go "there there"...
I'm fine with that.

No comments:

Post a Comment