Thursday, June 26, 2008

Had to get it out of my system

Pranav was taking way too long in the bathroom I thought. I was
waiting for him near the gate of coach S1. It was of paramount
importance that I get this talk done with pranav. Maybe he wasn't in
the loo: I walked back to suju. She was smiling at me.. I know she
wanted me to kiss her goodnight. But I was too stressed thinking about
the task ahead to even smile back. "I had to find pranav", I said and
walked away.

This time I didn't wait around anywhere for him. I just kept walking
all the way till the last coach but no luck. I then texted him, 'been
trying to find you.I need to talk.didn't want to call as you might be
on roaming.' he called me up. I took two deep breaths and picked up
the phone. "Hello?", I said..
.."I can't hear you.." I hung up. I was walking back to my seat now.

I had been thinking of saying this to pranav since 3 days ago.
"pranav, you need to stop doing this.." I'd practice in my
thoughts..then forget about it or just chicken out. I thought pranav
knew me well enough to realize when he was amusing me, when he was
irritating me and when he's hurting me. But lately, he seemed to be
loosing it and so I decided that I need to give him a piece of my
mind. So today, when we left suju's place, I started rehearsing it
even more meticulously. "you need to stop picking on me.."

So now that he had called me up, I thought it was cool if I call him
back. I called pranav up and asked him where he was. He said he had
gone back to the seat and was with Sujata. I reached there too. Pranav
and I moved to the empty seat behind sujata.
"talk." he said.
"can you not pick on me? Atleast for the next ten days?"
he wasn't expecting this. He turned serious
"what do you mean?"
"its ok when you joke around, except sometimes, it hurts."
Then, the guy who's seat it was, came back, and pranav said, "we can
take a walk."
we stood talking in front of a door, and the conversation goes on
really long which I can't possibly reiterate to you guys. But at the
end of it, i was feeling much lighter.

When we got back, to our birth, suju was awake, and I smiled and gave
her a kiss. She's off to dreamland and time for me to type this blog

Actually, Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time -
I think I've forgotten this before.

my blogs:


Monday, June 23, 2008

No post for next two weeks i guess.

I'm leaving pune tomorrow for the trip to north India. You're forgiven to think that this post is going to be about how friggin excited I am. But, I'm not excited at all. I don't think I even got the time to be excited about coming back to India the night before the flight. I was just really tired and wanted to sleep while mickey wanted to stay up and burn some discs. Even tonight, I'm going to have to stay awake and clean up the room in this really tired state. What could possibly be exciting about that?

I was pretty excited in the morning. When my movie plan with mohit got cancelled, I asked suju if we three(the third person is jayu) could go together. 1 PM show! But first, Pranav invited himself, and then, Arjun bhaiya and Mannu decided to drop in. Arjun bhaiya was in a really nice mood and joked around a lot. The movie was fun too. Incredible Hulk, a little stupid in the climax, but awesome nevertheless! Then we went to JM road. Suju wanted to buy footwear and Pranav had to give a leave application at his institute. While Pranav was at Animaster, suju and jayu decided go have dabeli on JM road.

I was the 'table' for the 4th plate of dabeli that was ordered for pranav. But I was feeling kinda hungry, so I said, if He doesn't show up by the time I'm done with mine, I'll eat that too! Then, when Pranav showed up, things went out of control. He exclaimed with joy when told I was on my second dabeli. Suju, gets even more fired up, and says, "It would be a big deal if he ate four!"
I said, "don't challenge me."
"I just did!" she said coyly.
"Well, bring it on!" I said accepting the challenge.

And then there's no big lead up to how I ate an enormous number of dabelis because it was just 4. I did it. Big whoop...

That was somehow the highlight of my day. good night people.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Even in my sleep he won't stop annoying me.

I dreamt that Pranav came over to my house, in Akola. Not once, but twice on consecutive days. He met my mom, dad and sister. But he would disappear very quickly. I mean he would suddenly leave without saying bye to me.

Ok, lets exit my dream and enter reality. Here's the back story now. I've been telling pranav to come to akola at least once since before I went to canada. Now that i'm back, I was really looking forward to celebrating my birthday at my home after 4 years. And I wished that pranav would come be there too.

So when we were chalking out the plan for the trip, I told them I want to be back in time to go to akola for my birthday. And so we made it such that we get back to pune on the 5th. I can then leave on the 6th or 7th, have my birthday party and come back. But when I ask pranav, he is reluctant. He mentions his classes are starting.. I wouldn't want his education to suffer because of me.

But then I hear him talking to other people and telling them "going back early because of yash, or else I'd have stayed back for 5 or 6 more days." I say, "because of me? What about your class?" He replies back, "i don't care about missing a few classes." I just shook my head in disbelief and kept quiet.

Friday, June 20, 2008

I only called to...

I realized i didn't need him as much as i've been made to think for the last two days. From the time i left the house irritated that he won't talk, i had a feeling things weren't right. So I had this urge to call him up and talk to him. Because I was involved with arjun bhaiya for the most part of the afternoon, I didn't get to call him up. Then when i left to drop anup off, I left my cellphone home. I called him up using anup's cell, but kept it brief.

At around 8:30 pm, I went over to sujata's. After dinner, I texted him trying to persuade him to come to sinhagadh. When he didn't reply, I needed to call him. He sounded pretty upset over something. When asked to come, he just exclaimed, "I don't want to do anything!" and hung up. I called him again,.. disconnected. Third time: I talk about other things just to keep the conversation going but its really uncomfortable because I knew he wasn't in the mood.

Even the next day, as we were going to trek, I couldn't resist myself from calling him up. Same attitude. While climbing up, I constantly tried to get range on my cell so that I can call him up and tell him how much fun I was having and what he's missing out on. Can't say sujata wasn't thinking this, because even I was going, "what's up with you yash? You're pathetic. Why do you need him so much? So desperately?"

I remembered me thinking about how I haven't spoken to some relatives in such a long time and I don't even care about them as much as I used to once upon a time. I wished I could be that indifferent about everyone.. Then I could focus on my studies more. Life would be so much better.

But then this morning, I realized I don't need him as much as I had led myself to believe. What changed? Last evening, when I got back home, I saw pranav sitting at his computer. He was supposed to be at his class. I talked to him, he said "dad refused me permission to go." I thought this was something sujata needed to be updated on because we were going to book the tickets today. I told her the situation and put pranav on the phone. He explained to her that his dad always does this. But she understands him much better than me. She told me something's bothering him and he's not opening up. I thought he didn't want to talk about it with me around. So we cooked up an elaborate plan for her to show up at the flat while I was out.

sujata came over and talked to pranav. Pranav let his heart out and told suju what had been bothering him. I sorta overheard some of his conversation and understood little of the marathi sentences. But once they were done he looked much better. And I couldn't be happier. I can't ever thank her enough for this. She had cured pranav!

So today after I left for class, after talking to pranav all morning, I could see it clearly for the first time. I only kept calling him because I could feel something was wrong and I thought he needed someone. When I know he's alright, I am happy being by myself. Even when I was in canada, most of the times I called him was to make sure he's doing fine, and he's not lonely. Now that's not such a bad thing, is it?

Monday, June 16, 2008

I met someone

I randomly met this girl who I seemed to know from somewhere before. We started talking, and she told me her name. I don't remember that now, but it was a muslim name. I find out that we had indeed met before and clicked off really well, but eventually lost contact. I really liked her. I wasn't even thinking about sujata, I had forgotten all about her for the time being. The real shocker came when she told me that some priest/fortune teller had told her that her partner would be "Yash Gupta." Wow! Do they do that? priests give you the full name of your future spouse? I still can't wrap my head around it..

That was the dream I had two nights ago when I slept at my house in aundh. And as soon as I woke up from that dream, I felt I had to talk to Pranav about it. But I couldn't get through to him till 10:30. I asked him should I tell this to people, and he said, "yeah go ahead. Its just a dream." so there! I would really love to hear reactions.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Lazy day

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you on my blog."
That's taken from a cartoon in today's newspaper. I found that really hilarious and very true. I laughed out loud as I read that. The maid should have gotten used to this by now. I remember one other maid who, upon hearing me laugh out loud for no apparent reason, went to my cousin and said worriedly, "he's just sitting there and started laughing!" And that has been one anecdote that arjun bhaiya tells all his friends about me.

I am still not sure what it was that I had for lunch today, something green and gross! I think she said it was chaudai/chaulai. Bleh! I was feeling really sluggish today. I called up suju but didn't feel like talking... other times she can't get me to shut up. LOL. After I finished my lunch, I went upstairs to shower. I stalled by calling up nikita, Jayu then Meghna. I also called up pranav to find out if he was at the flat and when he'll be coming back. We agreed to do something tomorrow. After I hung up, it was like someone suddenly turned the power switch back on.

I went to the photography exhibit next and was really surprised by the number of people outside. They were celebrating like it was a festival! There was even some painting/renovation work going on around the entrance. Once upstairs it was quiet and peaceful. I could look at the photos at my own pace but I didn't take too long. Not by choice, I just didn't realize that it was going to be that small. But the photos were awesome! I didn't have any doubts in my head about why my picture didn't get selected anymore. I congratulated the people at the counter and left.

Plan ahead: pick up my sketchbook and go to ccd and sketch.