Friday, June 20, 2008

I only called to...

I realized i didn't need him as much as i've been made to think for the last two days. From the time i left the house irritated that he won't talk, i had a feeling things weren't right. So I had this urge to call him up and talk to him. Because I was involved with arjun bhaiya for the most part of the afternoon, I didn't get to call him up. Then when i left to drop anup off, I left my cellphone home. I called him up using anup's cell, but kept it brief.

At around 8:30 pm, I went over to sujata's. After dinner, I texted him trying to persuade him to come to sinhagadh. When he didn't reply, I needed to call him. He sounded pretty upset over something. When asked to come, he just exclaimed, "I don't want to do anything!" and hung up. I called him again,.. disconnected. Third time: I talk about other things just to keep the conversation going but its really uncomfortable because I knew he wasn't in the mood.

Even the next day, as we were going to trek, I couldn't resist myself from calling him up. Same attitude. While climbing up, I constantly tried to get range on my cell so that I can call him up and tell him how much fun I was having and what he's missing out on. Can't say sujata wasn't thinking this, because even I was going, "what's up with you yash? You're pathetic. Why do you need him so much? So desperately?"

I remembered me thinking about how I haven't spoken to some relatives in such a long time and I don't even care about them as much as I used to once upon a time. I wished I could be that indifferent about everyone.. Then I could focus on my studies more. Life would be so much better.

But then this morning, I realized I don't need him as much as I had led myself to believe. What changed? Last evening, when I got back home, I saw pranav sitting at his computer. He was supposed to be at his class. I talked to him, he said "dad refused me permission to go." I thought this was something sujata needed to be updated on because we were going to book the tickets today. I told her the situation and put pranav on the phone. He explained to her that his dad always does this. But she understands him much better than me. She told me something's bothering him and he's not opening up. I thought he didn't want to talk about it with me around. So we cooked up an elaborate plan for her to show up at the flat while I was out.

sujata came over and talked to pranav. Pranav let his heart out and told suju what had been bothering him. I sorta overheard some of his conversation and understood little of the marathi sentences. But once they were done he looked much better. And I couldn't be happier. I can't ever thank her enough for this. She had cured pranav!

So today after I left for class, after talking to pranav all morning, I could see it clearly for the first time. I only kept calling him because I could feel something was wrong and I thought he needed someone. When I know he's alright, I am happy being by myself. Even when I was in canada, most of the times I called him was to make sure he's doing fine, and he's not lonely. Now that's not such a bad thing, is it?

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