Thursday, July 31, 2008
If you were scared the first time you were watching a movie and had a nightmare, instead of vowing to never watch it again, go watch it so many times that its not scary anymore. If you see a dream in which you're doing something that leads to undesirable results, go and do that thing in real life. However, this can't obviously be applied to every dream that you have like jumping off a cliff or playing russian roulette. So use your discretion.
Let me illustrate this with an example of my own. I had a dream a few days ago, in which I was told to go on a very long journey. It was really crucial that I go. I would have to change trains, buses and god knows what other means of transport. However, I didn't want to do it... not alone. I was scheduled to leave within an hour or so. And I say to myself, "who can I call at this time to come along? Which one of my friends is crazy enough to do such a thing?" And of course, I decide to try Pranav.
I whip out my cellphone and try to type his name in the contacts search field to call him up. But I just couldn't type in the letters properly. I was in a state of urgency and I guess I was trying too hard to type fast leading me unable to punch the right keys. Frustrated, I exit the contacts, and try to enter the number directly. His is one of the very few numbers I know by heart. Its in my long term memory. But I guess it wasn't in my muscle memory as I couldn't even type 9050 properly. I kept pressing 8 and 6 and such numbers that aren't in his phone number at all.
By now, I was really sad, tensed, I was freaking out! I was crying. And in the horror of horrors, I woke up. The nightmare finally ended. I went to Pranav, I told him the dream, I kind of cried... almost. I kept wondering what could the dream mean. That one day I won't be able to make a call to Pranav? Or that I wouldn't want to call Pranav? Maybe someday he won't be there to help me or I wouldn't need his help. Maybe Pranav doesn't want me to call him anymore because he doesn't want to have anything to do with me... All these possibilities drove me nuts.
And I don't know how, I just knew what I had to do. I asked him to accompany me to wherever I was going. His response led me to realize that there are some places where he can't or simply won't follow me. No hard feelings. I called and texted him. And once again, just like old days, I accidentally typed his number on the phone instead of someone else's. So, by doing exactly what I saw in the dream, I stopped myself from thinking about it too much.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Now, lets talk. Have you ever felt the need to be sad? When all of a sudden, you really needed to cry for no apparent reason? I have. And I don't really know why. It happened once few weeks ago. I started thinking about the song "through heaven's eyes" from the movie 'Prince of Egypt'. It had been a while since I had heard it. The song is really touching and has a very profound message. The first line goes:
A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design
I really wanted to feel that emotion that I felt the last time I heard the song, and I really wanted to cry. I wanted to let my tears flow. So I put the movie on.
I was lying down on the mattres and I asked Pranav to turn off the light, "Its too bright, Its hurting my eyes." As the movie progressed and got to the song, I roled over and turned my back to Pranav. The song started, the lyrics sank in, and the tears started to flow. I was crying but I was feeling really happy. Its ineffable.
Similar thing happened yesterday. Remember the part in the last post where I mention 'the secret'? Well, in trying to apply that to my life, I had been making an effort to not get upset or anxious about anything and be in a perpetual god mood. But late last night, just as I was going to bed, I suddenly wanted to be sad again. I wanted to talk to someone about things that would provoke melancholy. And I was in the same mood as I woke up. I went and told the dream I had to pranav, and I kinda choked.. I had a lump in my throat, I was very close to crying. I'll talk about the dream in some other post.
Right now, I'm just wondering does this only happen to me?
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I talk to tina on the phone, she's sick. Now I'm going to have to do that shopping alone. Disregard that statement I just made. Moving on... I go upstairs to shower, and I open the door of the dressing room and hit the maid cleaning behind it. I had watched 'The Secret' just two days ago, and I'm still in the spirit, so I take everything in a stride so far. I sit down to draw from the Encyclopedia of bodybuilding. I do a few really bad sketches before I get hungry.
Hmm.. I wonder why I'm writing all the things in the present tense... anyone have any views about this kind of writing, I'd love to hear it.
while I'm waiting for the lunch to be prepared, I turn on the tv in the kitchen. I didn't know that is on. I love this show. And they're gonna be talking about making electricity from fruits like lemons etc. and battery powered truck which is about to break a speed record. I keenly tune in. But before that, comes on a part about how they test condoms for imperfections. I keep watching, but after a while, taiji has had enough. "Change the channel" she tells me. I'm not a 8 year old! But I do it anyways.
I reach the class, there's only Sunny and sir there. I sit down, fart. My stomach's kinda upset today. I don't feel like sticking around in this desolate place, there's no electricity even! I call up suju to go see her. She was sleeping. I press the doorbell and wait for an eternity before I realize there's no electricity here either and I need to knock the door. I give her the ointment. Fart. We discuss plan to go out and do night painting later. "I'd better not stick around here for long or I'll really stink up the place." I said. I had other plans for now.
I call up Tina asking her if its ok if I come visit. At her hostel, the security guard asks me to 'sign in'. I'm kinda surprised. I start walking towards the stairs when the bitch starts yelling. I calmly tell her "you don't have to be rude." Remember 'the secret?' She continues yelling. I repeat myself, I think she didn't get it. she goes "kya bola?" Translation: "What'd you say?" I turn to tina, "what is 'rude' in marathi?" Its getting funnier by the second. I can't wipe that smile off my face. Why did they ask me to 'sign in' and write my name and contact number etc when I wasn't even allowed to go IN. LOL. Tina's doing fine. I say we'll try and go do that thing some other time.
I get hopelessly lost in trying to get to ABC from kothrud. I give up and get to bibewadi. Load shedding here too. I sit with Asadul while he's showing me his stuff.
He goes, "Something really stinks!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, that's me, I feel constipated." Embarrassing!
I start feeling really weak and I'm trembling. I think I overdid it with the exercise this morning. Maybe I just need some food. I text Pranav to get me something to eat. Plug in my laptop as soon as the power is back and start trying to scan some sketches. The power cord is loose so the scanner wouldn't turn on. Pranav fidgets with it and voila!
Suju calls me up and I leave without my laptop fully charged. I pick her up and we still haven't decided where to go. We ride around and end up at parwati. Find a spot and sit down to paint. Taiji calls to ask where I am. I lie. Few minutes into the painting, the cops come to shoo everyone off. Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! This totally blows! What did we do wrong? Suju says "lets go before we get into trouble." What law did we break? what did we do wrong? After a nice ride back to her place in the cold wind, she says she doesn't feel like going home. lets ride around some more. I'm too cold. I just wanted to ride back home and tuck myself in a warm bed.
But that wasn't meant to be. I averted an accident because of an aunty who jumped the red signal. At the flat, Pranav's brother is here. We decide to go see a movie at city pride satara road. Unfortunately, or fortunately... nothing nice was on. Now we're going to watch superbad at the flat. Everyone wastes a lot of time monkeying around. Wait, I was the one monkeying around. Hehe.. You gotta see the video to know. We start watching the movie at about 1 am. Midway, everyone wants to sleep but I continue. I have watched this movie around 20 times now. I just need an excuse to watch that movie. And I finish watching it in a low volume in complete darkness and go to bed knowing that tomorrow's another day.
only thing was, I didn't have internet on my laptop. When I was at the
flat, internet would be connected to Pranav's computer and I hate
Pranav's keyboard. Then for two nights, I was at aundh. And the
keyboard there is one of those ancient white (now yellow) clackety
ones. So I figured this could wait.
That day, at dynamix, Tanmay sir was talking to me about canada.
Rather, me staying here in India instead of going back to canada. And
I didn't like it one bit. I should have been pissed, but being the
calm and peaceful guy that I am, I didn't react that way. So, he goes,
"Yash, do you have to go to canada?" I was caught off guard and I just
said, "uh.. yeah", in a very confused tone. He asked, " how much are
you paying there per year? And how many more years do you have to go?"
I already didn't like where this conversation was going.
He says, "kya karega re waha jaa ke?" translation: "What's the point
of going there anyways?" I said, "I'll have to finish my graduation
there." He goes on and tells me about some BSC in animation graduation
they have in ignou. I think I rolled my eyes, at-least in my mind. He
says, "Sure, you'll go there, enjoy your life, look at sexy white
chicks, SO what?" I looked at him in disgust. "you don't know me.
That's why you think that's all I care for", I said in my mind. I
wished this conversation would end right here.
But it didn't. "You know flash right? Sunny told me you showed him a
walk cycle you made in flash", said Tanmay. Dammit! how does something
that looked so harmless once upon a time, come back to bite me in the
ass now, like this? He wants me to work on his stupid little project
for him! I never should have shown that walk cycle to Sunny. "That was
just a shitty little animation I did in a few hours by following a
tutorial! I can't animate yet!" is what I should have said. However,
he kept going, "If you graduate there, and want to work here, you'll
have to start from scratch. Why don't you just start now, help me
This guy wants to suck me for all he can, in helping him on this
project and then, I'll be left high and dry. Why would I want to ruin
my chance of getting a good education for his stupid film? Wait,
scratch that. My chance of getting "THE BEST POSSIBLE EDUCATION IN
ANIMATION!" And I had made up my mind very well that I'm not going to
work on anything like the stupid indian animated feature, 'Hanuman'. I
said I'll talk to my dad about it. But I wasn't going to. I wonder
what Pranav's reaction is going to be when I tell him this story.
Friday, July 18, 2008
I met him at E square as per our plan. He had gotten a new cellphone with a camera and everything. And he used it to record a video that he told me about yesterday. I had heard the audio clips he sent me, and I couldn't wait to see what craziness he'd have done in the video. BTW, these audio clips were him doing funny accents and evil, crazy laughs etc. And everyone who heard them loved it. I was so impressed with the crazy laugh that I decided to keep it as a message tone on my phone.
As we were waiting for the ticket counters to be opened, he was showing me stuff on his cellphone. Video of his cat, a large beetle that he saw and then, the video of him 'fooling around to the tune of a cartoon music.' It was hilarious, and awesome and potentially embarrassing if it got into the wrong hands. But I loved it. I loved his antics. Probably because he was so totally into it, you couldn't help but appreciate his devotion. But more than the video itself, I am still impressed that he showed it to me!
To me, that is an amazing gesture to show how much he trusts me. Maybe for him its not that big a deal. But I hope he sees my point of view. I wouldn't have kept anything like that at a place where any of my cousins can access it. Because they are ruthless when it comes to making fun of someone about something. But he had his sister record that, so obviously he doesn't have to worry like I do. I think I'm drifting away from the point.. Abhinav, I really REALLY appreciate you showing me that video. And you can continue to share this kind of stuff with me in the future as well.
The second part of this post goes out to the guy at the signal who complemented me on my bike. Who doesn't like receiving a little compliment every now and then. And I was ecstatic. I just hope I responded in an appropriate manner too. I mean, I certainly tried to be as friendly as I could. He said it was his dream bike too, and I responded by honestly saying I didn't think I'd like the bike before I first rode it. The bullet machismo 500 does get me a lot of attention on the road. Later, some uncle said, 'so, the brake's now on the other side!' (Royal enfield bikes used to have the reverse position for gear lever and the rear brake.) I just said, 'all new bikes are like this now.' And the signal turned green, and I sped away.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
I took a short nap when I got back home. I woke up at around 9 am and had milk, showered and finished breakfast. Arjun bhaiya assigned me more work, and this time I was determined to do it. I talked to abhinav and asked if he wanted to go to watch The Dark Knight tomorrow. He said yes. Now to ask Pranav. But I'll do that when I see him later today. I left for FC road. Enquired about the phones and also asked if my phone would fetch me anything and if there was any worthy replacement for the E60 on the market. Nothing. Then it was off to class. I figured if I go early, today, I can leave early.
We dealt with muscles again at dynmix. It was interesting for a while. I even started enjoying being able to draw really muscular people like those in comics. But when we started dealing with the back, I started loosing it. At about 4:30, I got a message from Farheen saying that she was free to talk. And talk we did! For about 15 minutes when she got another important call. When I hung up, I did a recall of what I talked about. I felt a little embarassed...I wanted to send her a message "I'm sorry if I came across as hyper. I was just very excited."
I just didn't stop speaking for those 15 minutes! Not even for breath it seems. I was just going on and on. I hardly heard anything from her. Wow! The next time, I am going to be asking her more questions and gonna get to know her better. But I can never forget today. Speaking to her after soooo long! I just hope she felt the same way too. I was having a great day so far. And I knew it would keep going like this. I had to get home and check the email I got from sheridan. I had a positive feeling about this. I think I got in.