Friday, July 25, 2008

The need for tears

Clackety clackety clack. Yep, that's the sound of this old keyboard. Manufacturer, TVS. I'm surprised its still being used. Well, anyways, the reason I'm using it to type this post is because load shedding in pune has been increased to 6 hours a day. So I don't know if I'll have electricity at the flat when I get there later today. Also, Blogger automatically saves drafts. So even if the power suddenly goes out here, when the computer shuts down becaue there's no UPS, my post is safe.

Now, lets talk. Have you ever felt the need to be sad? When all of a sudden, you really needed to cry for no apparent reason? I have. And I don't really know why. It happened once few weeks ago. I started thinking about the song "through heaven's eyes" from the movie 'Prince of Egypt'. It had been a while since I had heard it. The song is really touching and has a very profound message. The first line goes:
A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

I really wanted to feel that emotion that I felt the last time I heard the song, and I really wanted to cry. I wanted to let my tears flow. So I put the movie on.

I was lying down on the mattres and I asked Pranav to turn off the light, "Its too bright, Its hurting my eyes." As the movie progressed and got to the song, I roled over and turned my back to Pranav. The song started, the lyrics sank in, and the tears started to flow. I was crying but I was feeling really happy. Its ineffable.

Similar thing happened yesterday. Remember the part in the last post where I mention 'the secret'? Well, in trying to apply that to my life, I had been making an effort to not get upset or anxious about anything and be in a perpetual god mood. But late last night, just as I was going to bed, I suddenly wanted to be sad again. I wanted to talk to someone about things that would provoke melancholy. And I was in the same mood as I woke up. I went and told the dream I had to pranav, and I kinda choked.. I had a lump in my throat, I was very close to crying. I'll talk about the dream in some other post.

Right now, I'm just wondering does this only happen to me?

1 comment:

  1. no. it can happen to anyone..just as sometimes u feel like smiling without a reason or if u remember something nice or funny; sometimes u feel like crying..its totally cool.
    p.s. do cry at such times, feels amazing after u've cried it out!