Crazy dreams are back again

Parents called me on skype a while ago to wish me happy Diwali. Out of the blue, they asked me if I wanted to come to India for the Christmas break. Mom already had the ticket prices figured out. But I refused. Mom went on about how this is the one opportunity I have to visit India because there will be other things going on.
" Divya' s exams will be going on, you might want to take courses in the summer..."
I didn't budge. They didn't tell me until a few minutes later that there had been a death in the family.

I had a dream last weekend; about a death in the family... It was Manik tauji. I don't know why it was him. I don't even remember seeing how it happened. But there were definitely some weird circumstances. I saw myself getting ready for his funeral. But something was odd. I was wearing a black suit. As if I was getting ready to go to a Christian funeral.

People wear white clothes to Hindu funerals in India. Even outside India, the close family and the mourners will wear white because of the belief that after death the soul is at peace and free from worldly desires.

So why the black suit? Why was the funeral being held in the western style? I haven't stopped pondering this myself. I am sure that the death was in my family and Most of my family resides in India. But I was clearly in the west. What was the meaning of this? A reference to how I don't intend to return to India again? Or was it a premonition or a warning in disguise?

Anup nightmare

This was the dream I had on my last night in Canada.. or my FIRST night in USA after that. I tend to forget the exact date. However, it featured my notorious cousin, Anup. You could say he's right up there in the top 5 of the list of my worst enemies! But I simply don't like him.

In this particularly traumatic dream, I see that my 75-205mm tele-zoom lens has been destroyed. The glass completely shattered and left lying around. Like someone left it there on purpose for me to see it. I find out that it's none other than Anup.

I am extremely pissed! In a fit of rage, (that's very unlike me) I am screaming at the top of my lungs, swearing my head off at him, not caring that I'm in our house, around family. I walk angrily towards him and grab him....

Even I was afraid to see what I would do next....

Luckily, I woke up. Albeit cold but sweaty; traumatized..
and the first thing I had to do, was check my tele-zoom lens and make sure it was intact.

Should I be sorry for what I dreamt?

Some dreams are like re-runs. They play a plot in your head that you've already seen before. And depending on whether you liked them last time, or whether you finished it last time or not, you may decide to stick around and 'watch' that dream again. I had a similar dream a few days ago, one of my last nights in Canada.

I don't know why but it felt like I have been a part of this plot before. Either I did not know how it ended or I was just enjoying it a little too much; hence, I stuck around. It ended with somebody getting shot. I, without even thinking about it for a second, 'walked out' of the 'theatre'. Was it my conscience that had just died? How could I not feel anything for a person that had just died? For the person I probably killed? Twice?

The blog post I didn't finish about the dream I don't remember anymore

30th May 2009

Had a very weird dream last night. Weird because it came out of nowhere..

Let me set it up for you..

I was supposed to get my I20 form from SCAD. I had gotten a call from Fed Ex guy the day before, asking about the buzzer number. But the stupid apartment doesn't have a buzzer phone. So my wise ass landlord told me to tell the delivery guy to ask for the superintendent. However, the delivery guy came, while I was out, and left a note on the glass and left.

When I came back to see this, I got disgruntled. Waited for the landlord to get out of the bathroom and told him about it. He said he'll talk to the management office.. but the lady said she can't accept packages. He told me to go talk to the super, and he too, refused saying that he's not going to be in his suite all the time.

"Fuck all that!" I said, and texted Doni to ask for his address because I was going to redirect the shipment. However, even he didn't reply back with the address. He said he's going to give it to me when he gets back. Alright then! Now there's nothing left for me to do. So I just went to sleep.

Later that evening, I got a call from Rajat. Now he was going to be moving in with me from June onwards. he calls me up and tells me he might not be moving in with me, but instead go live with some of his relative. damn! My plan of paying less rent from the next month onwards were devastated. Fuck! I was in the lowest mood  in a long time! I haven't gotten a job yet, I still don't have my I20 form in my hand, and now this!

I couldn't go to sleep very easily because I had slept in the evening. But when I did, I know I had a dream I would have liked to blog about..

Weird watchmen dream

This happened Last week but due to my irregularity, I didn't end up typing it. Me and Doni were in a streetcar on queen street. (I guess coming back from China Town or headed to Viztek the camera store) I saw a comic book store from the corner of my eye as we were moving and noticed there was a mannequin dressed up like Rorshach in the middle of the store.

I quickly told Doni to take a look but we had already passed that. I didn't think of it much then.. Just thought it was cool. (Leemrijse is one of the people who having never read the comic book, actually liked the watchmen movie.)

I didn't think of it at all after that. We had a whole bunch of activities going on the rest of the day to keep my mind busy. But subconsciously, I guess I did want to ponder over it. I did not want to let it go. Because that night, I had one of the most interesting dreams I've had in a long time. And I mean Long Time. Last one I remember was the one where I was 'Quick kick' the G.I.Joe character and destroyed a missile with my kick. (Harsh and Suraj should recall this one)

So, this one, started with one of the watchmen scenes.. plays out a lot like the novel all the way to the climax. (It's really hard for me to write this without giving away the ending of the novel...) The climax where we see all the characters assembled in Veidt's Antarctic hideout.. Veidt has won.. successful in killing millions of innocent people despite the best efforts by the other vigilante or super heroes. And as it dawns on everybody that it's all over..

Something weird starts happening to all the superheroes except Rorschach. Dr. Manhattan is not glowing anymore, Lori's voice gets deeper..Nite Owl's hair starts turning red and Veidt's stature is 'shrinking'..

They are all turning into Rorschach.

And they all look very pleased. Rorschach looks pleased. It seems as if all this while, all these vigilantes were alter-egos or manifestation of Rorschach himself. He is the all powerful, and he is the one who really has the powers of Dr. Manhattan. He was living all these duplicate/alternate lives... For his own pleasure/satisfaction.

...How insane is that?!! And what does that say about me and my brain, having cooked up this plot about one of my favourite heroes from my favourite graphic novel?!!  

-written 19th may 09

Explosion

I can't not think about dreams that I have. And tonight's dream is one of the more convoluted ones. 

I was being told about the 911 attacks, was taking a look at the ruins of the world trade center from an aerial point of view. But then there were oddities in the pattern of destruction. The officer or whoever it was with me teling me about it, showed me the spot where the highest damage was done. and there was a straight line of destruction till a lot further away from it.

I know this is confusing. It is for me too. Maybe I was just associating it with 9-11 it probably wasnt that in the first place. It wasn't just one building.. it wasn't a round circle of destruction from a bomb or explosion. It was as if there was an missile launched from one end, and it destroyed everything in it's path and left this 'line of destruction'. Other reasons I can think of to explain what I saw are: it was an explosion in a train.. and everything along that line was destroyed. Now to explain the fact that this train was in a fairly urban setting, it could be that it was a underground subway line. And as the underground tunnel collapsed, so did everything on top.

Also, as I was surveying from the helicopter, I thought to myself, wow! I was watching a movie yesterday in a theater... with family or friends.. and I thought if we hadn't decided to go to inox instead of e square, we would have been dead. So I suppose I was in Pune now..

Next, I was on the ground, I was actually right next to the site of this event. I don't know what or who gave me the authority to be there..  Surveying the operations, I was surprised to find a bunch of poor people living in the destroyed ruins of the buildings. They could have been family and or the workers helping in the excavation/rescue operations.. It was like a photograph. Everyone or everything was stopped in time as I was walking across them all... Suddenly I noticed Golu bhaiya and Monu didi around that area.

I was really surprised and excited. I said hi, they said "hi!", (time was not frozen anymore) They were perfectly fine, I guess they were just here to check it out, or be in the news coverage etc. haha. They started with their usual teasing me, pulling my leg and all... I woke up just then.. and I wish I didn't think about the 'attack' anymore. But I can't do that. I always think about my dreams too much... 

Dreaming about Akola

I came back from college on friday at around 6. I had finished my prints by 2:30 and then submitted my portfolio for re-evaluation. While I was printing the appeal letter, I ran into Jake and Laura. Jake came and talked to me for a while. I was feeling so relieved after I dropped off the portfolio! I wasn't very hungry, but I figured I was going to have to eat sooner or later. So went to Harveys, got poutine from Rajat and ate it outside with Franzi. It was beautiful, sunny and warm today. And even Andrew came outside, talked to us for a bit, then left as he had to get back to work. The weather's gonna be like that for two more days, then it's going to rain and get cooler again.. so they say. As I was walking back home, I ran into katie and we talked along the way.

This has become so common. Me running into at least 4 people I know on my way to and back from school. More than one of who are close/old friends. I feel sad realizing that I might have to go away from here. Let's just say, having even a little time on my hands while my brain isn't occupied with something, does not always lead to a very pleasant result.

whoops! I already lost my train of thought here. So, before I get distracted again, Let's proceed with the real topic. After I got back, I was feeling kinda sleepy. I thought I'd make up for the only 4 hours of sleep I got last night. I just crashed on the bed and dozed off. And I had another dream about me being in Akola. This time, I was with a different bunch of people. One of whom was Jayant; my school buddy who I recently ran into after about 3 years when I was vacationing in India this summer.

It was dark, probably late at night, and we were at a restaurant or cafe having food, just hanging out. When one of them suggests we go drinking. And then we are all having a conversation about what 'bars' we could go to in Akola! LOL. I can imagine what my face would be like if that happened to me for real. I am just trying to imagine what a pub or bar would look like and what the people there will be like. I get a chill down my spine; that's how creepy the image in my head is. haha!

In the dream though, I believe I voted for getting some drinks and heading back home. Anyways. I am sure I was enjoying being among friends rather than family. The last dream about me being in Akola with family and ...

One of my dreams came true. What next?

How many here have seen 'South Park'? Well, to those who haven't I have two things to say:

1. Go watch South Park!
2. Come back and tell me how awesome you thing South Park is.

Well, in the mean time, for the premise of this blog post, I would just like to start by talking about Eric Cartman. The fat annoying character that nobody in his school likes. The kids are always mean to him but still, he thrives on it. So one day, the kids decide, they are not even going to acknowledge him. Just ignore him. (in the episode Death of Eric Cartman) And the audience, will either love him or hate him, or maybe even love to hate him, or hate to love him... but they cannot ignore him. There can't be an episode of South Park without Eric cartman.

I guess the first person to get where I am going with this would be Abhinav. I have a eric cartman in my life, who I can love or hate or love to hate, maybe even ignore him for one episode but the show will just not go on without him popping in here and there. And Abhinav, as the reader/viewer, might occasionaly (actually, always!) hate him. But What can I say, He gives me stuff to write about. If you want, I could make a feed that excludes all the posts related to him, but then you'd be missing out on SO MUCH!

Okay, getting to the topic.. I should have mentioned earlier that Sachin came over to my place on Christmas Day. And I happened to show him something I had noticed a while ago. Remember the part where I drink beer and get drunk in this blog post that I posted in August? It's so weird how I could have forseen that I will come to canada and drink and get drunk when I was back in India! So dreams really can tell the future? Sachin found it pretty amusing too. It was on his birthday party on the 19th October that I got drunk for the first time ever. And the 7th august blog post seems like I wrote it on that day at the very moment I started feeling tipsy.

Now, lets skip to the dream I had two nights ago. I didn't think much of it and didn't bother to blog it. Except now. The dream was, that I was back in Akola. You know how sometimes the place is undisclosed in the dream, this time, it was my house in my hometown back in India. And I was meeting and talking up with a lot of people. And from the corner of my eye, I notice Pranav sitting on the dining table with somebody. But I don't bother to go talk to him. A while later, I remember I'm sitting on the dining table, but Pranav isn't there. Pranav definitely wasn't the highlight of this dream.

You see, I remember when I was about to leave for Canada the first time, I was feeling really happy and confident. I remember myself suddenly being able to talk to my distant relatives, elders, strangers about...something. I hadn't been able to do that before. I was a very quiet little introvert. I figured it was just because I'm 'growing up' heh. But next time around I was in India, I didn't feel the same way. I had lost my confidence and I had retreated back into my shell. And thus I wasn't able to converse with people. I still feel the same way. So the fact that I was talking to people close to me, happily and comfortably means that things had turned around for me. I was not a sad, miserable little loser anymore.

But now, we're getting closer to why I started writing this blog. I was lying on my bed, thinking... this is the second time Pranav was in akola, Right? The first time was a dream a few months, maybe more than a year ago.. And the details in that dream suggested that he was coming to my house at the time of a wedding. At that time, there was no wedding scheduled so I didn't give it much thought. But someone in my family got engaged recently. My cousin Amol's wedding is in a few months. And there are lots of people at wedding.. who I was talking to in my latest dream. So if I consider the drinking in canada dream that came true a few months later.. maybe I could predict when the sum of both those pranav in akola dreams could come true.

Just because I am really looking forward to coming to India and attending my cousin's wedding. I hope I don't miss out on that because of my college.

Tonights Dream

Last nights dream has to be one of the top 5 really... well, 'interesting' dreams I've had. It begs a lot of questions. And I can't stop thinking how or why I would subconsciously think of such a thing.

I had talked to Pranav before I went to bed feeling like I had just jumped into the rabbit hole. I mean I was doing just fine not talking to him for almost 4 months. And my system was all clean. But i thought because I was clean, I could go ahead and take one more hit without getting addicted once again.

Sorry.. Deviated a little from the topic. In the dream, I was back in India. What looked like a really small and rural place. Could be Seoni or akola. So, apparently, I'm studying business or economics and I need tutoring for a math subject.. maybe economics. Damn.. Could I have been trying out for C.A.?

So anyways, I am out in the town looking for a tutor. Not going around asking people on the street, "will you tutor me?" haha. I seem to have someone's address in my head. And I navigate small 'gallis' (narrow roads) to reach a house. Made it seem like I had been here before. Hmm when was the last time someone got lost in a dream? Everyone always seems to get where they're going.

I ask the lady in the house about the tutor. She says no or denies. But suddenly the guy I've been looking for appears from behind, slowly coming into the brighter part of the room where I can see his face. He looks very familiar. He kinda looked like my 9th standard math tuition teacher in Akola, Khan sir.

He agreed to teach me. We had regular sessions, and I seemed to be keeping up. Which is just to say that I'm not a complete retard.

My dream was interrupted by the alarm going off. I have the debate in about 15 minutes so I run to the college constantly thinking about the dream so I don't forget it.



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Me playing with vicky?

I have a test tomorrow in philosophy class. I haven't even reviewed any of my notes yet. But I am already too tired and sleepy to bother.I've put on some music on my laptop and just want to update my blog.

This morning, I dreamt that I was back in Akola.. I think. Because I don't really remember any surroundings or environment, objects I interacted with. Only thing that stood out and that I remember is that Vicky and Arjun my nephews were with me. I was playing with them. I don't know what this is supposed to signify or indicate. I didn't even have time to ponder over it as I had to get ready to go to the college. Manish needed his newsprint pad. I got showered, and had a glass of chocolate milk and a banana. Put a muffin in a box and took it to college.

Printmaking class was really interesting and also equally tiring today. I was on my feet for about 4 hours! But I got some really good prints I am really happy with. I think I will put them up soon. Also, the process this class was really interesting since we dealt with color. I wish I had my camera to take pictures of all the activity going on around. It was really a sight to see.

It's harsh's birthday on 4th december, so I wished him at about 8:30 IST. Aso talked to Suraj for a bit. He told me some really funny incident that happened with Harsh. I don't know if I'm at a liberty to disclose that so I guess I will just end this post for now. I will get some shut eye. In the next post, I might add more about what happened today.

Pranav quits smoking

In my blog post, Cycle Dream, I wondered why I had stopped dreaming about friends. It was just a musing, not necessarily a wish for more. But it did remind me of the dream I had after Sachin's birthday party. We got back to Sachin's house slightly less drunk than we were at the party. It was already past 3 am on 19th October I believe. And I slept on the couch if I remember correctly. And I know some of you are going to be curious about this, so lets just get it out of the way first.. no, dreams don't feel any different when you are drunk. LOL

So, first one, was with me and sujata, at a kind of outdoor residential location, which now, I am thinking could have been her farmhouse in the future. LOL. There was some kind of shooting going on in there.. not guns, killing, shooting. but film, cameras, movie, shooting. I was outside, and I could see the crew and everyone through a large opening that could have been a garage door. Anyways, don't want to get into too much detail here, as I have very vague memory of a already very vague dream. Just the way it made me feel, that I was outdoors, in the greenery, with someone was a pleasant thing to remember.

Photo by yashrg
(Yes, the house is above the store.)
The second one was a little more grey. It isn't even about friends, but about my nanaji and the family that lives in Seoni. I dreamt that their house, pictured here, had been remodeled and renovated to something much bigger and more lavish and rich! But the sad part was, Nanaji and Naniji were moved from their room on the 1st floor to a higher floor. Made me really sad. Because in the old age, people shouldn't be made to do a lot of physical work. And they should be closer to the outside world. I wish I could have some say in it. Put my foot down for my grandparents... Anyways. Lets go to the last dream. The one that's the most brief and specific...


I was walking down the street. And I meet Pranav. And by the looks of it, we're meetin after a really long time. Sure we're both excited. But still, not the same spark. But then Pranav tells me some good news. He says "I've finally quit smoking!" I couldn't be happier for him! I really think it's an achievement. And I think we both move on. Or maybe I woke up at the point.


Later that day, I briefly talked to Pranav. This is the chat transcript from that day.. I guess I could have just left it out and had you guess what happened.. it would have been a nice surprise..

pranav: hey

me: hey

pranav: ka haal chaal babua

me: wtf? staying with biharis a lot lately?

pranav: abe teri nahi be ab to teri yaad main jitni ho sake nayi language sikh raha hu, kya pata agli baar yash se baat ho to kis bhasha main bole

me: LOL. you high?

pranav: oye kya bolraha hai

me: why are you not making any sense?

wait.. you never made any sense to me

so this is not ner

*new

pranav: he bhagwan kya hua, itne din mujhse baat nahi ki to main kya bol raha hu tujhe samajh nahi aa raha kya

dhat teri ki

aree tu kaha hai bhai

acha suju se baat kar raha hai kya

me: yes

pranav: wt

me: stop making me switch windows

pranav: ok

The cycle dream.

This morning I woke up with the most amazing feeling in a while! Thanks to the second dream I had tonight. But I'll be going chronologically, and will tell you guys the first dream I had.

I was in a clothing store looking at jackets. Not any ordinary store, this one looked like a pretty high end expensive clothing store. Now I had bought my American Eagle jacket a few weeks ago on a Monday. (I don't remember the date) but in the dream, I didn't have that one on me. And I looked at one jacket which looked like the synthetic material ones that a lot of sports brands like Nike and Adidas have. I didn't like it. So the salesman showed me denim jackets, which I really liked. This was kind of like the Ralph Lauren denim jacket Aniruddh Bhaiya had brought from canada A few years ago. But that jacket was too big for me. And even now, it probably is.. haha. But I still loved that jacket. Arjun Bhaiya used to wear it a lot.

Well, I don't remember if I ended up buying that jacket in the dream. Lets just move on to the second more exciting dream of the night. It seemed like I was in some exotic location, vacationing with certain people, who seemed to be some kind of celebrities, or actors even. In the dream, they were my acquaintances, maybe even friends.. but it was not someone from real life. (Makes me wonder where have all my friends gone? Why don't I dream about them anymore? ) We could have just been tourists, but I feel there is also a possibility it was all in a movie. Hah! Like I would be an actor! /sarcasm.

Everyone except me, had a bicycle we would use to commute. So I walk into a cycle store that is very close by. I didn't look around or ask people.. I just knew the cycle shop. And as I walk into the store, I know the person who works there. It's like we've recently met. I tell him I need a cycle, and he just lets me take one. I head out with my cycle, but my friends have already gone without me. So I jump on the cycle to try and catch up with them. But I can't seem to be able to ride the bike really well. Like I've forgotten how to ride a bibycle. I wobble and almost run into things, still picking up more speed. Now the surroundings have started looking like a dirt village road in India...as opposed to the developed country urban intersection where the dream started... This dirt road looks like seoni or Akola and I am riding on the left side... when I finally hit a little mud hill and crash and fall.

That's when I woke up, and I really wanted to go ride a bike! I figured I'd ge around to it, but I didn't. I did other things that did relate to the first dream, but the post is already too long. And I still want to tak about what the cycle incident alludes to, in real life.

For the last couple of days, I've had a google chat archive open in a firefox window. evey time I exit the browser, it saves the open pages and reloads them next time. One of the pages is the chat I had with Pranav, about the bike that got stolen from sheridan college last year. And I was responsible for loosing it because I hadn't locked it. And funny thing is, instead of really talking about anything, I go on and on describing bicycles...hihi..Cool expensive bikes I've seen... their features... heh.. I talk about how brake pads loose efectiveness on steel rims during rainy season.. well... that's just how I am I guess..

Grandfather's Mansion

Its been so long since my last blog post that I myself have forgotten what I last talked about. So I'm just going to start with last night's dream.

I dreamt that I was standing in a room that had a lot of its original furnishings removed. I could tell by looking at the size and cleanliness of the room that it was an old style mansion of a rich person. I was talking to an elder lady who could have been my aunt. I was curious about something I saw...On the floor where a bed used to be, there was a trap door.

My grandfather's house, or 'haveli' as I like to call it, the house I was born into, had something similar. There was the staircase outside, that was used by everyone to get upstairs. And then there was the staircase that led from inside of the ground floor to the bedroom upstairs where my parents and I slept. It wasn't a hidden or trap door, it was a pretty well built flight of stairs. But it didn't have any source of light except the door that opened into my room. So as a kid, it was kinda adventurous or even scary to go through. Still, I used to love that route to sneak in and out of parents' sight.

So I believe that's where I was in my dream. Sure the dream doesn't render everything exactly as you remember it, it embellishes a few things. And my Grandfather's house was demolished a few years ago. So in the dream, I must have been there right before that house was about to be demolished. Talking about why the trap doors were made and why you don't see them in new houses... I would love to have trap doors like that or secret passages in my home. They provide a safe/secret exit in case of danger. Kinda like the Batman penthouse in 'The dark Knight'.

I never saw that old house being demolished. I was in pune when I heard from family that the old house is being brought down. Leaves me thinking about why, in my dream, I wanted to go there. I think the significance of this dream is that I am still looking for a way out. I can't let other people know, or I am afraid to admit it, but I want to sneak out. And in a way it's true. I have been wanting to somehow screw up so bad that my parents have no choice but to bring me back.

Addition:
In other relevant news, my grandfather passed away 26th october in his sleep. It was just 5 am IST when I got the news. I loved my grandfather. Much more than my grandma. I had so much fun with him when I was young. He brought me a lot of joy.

I had heard this somewhere, the Egyptians believe when one dies and goes to heaven, the gods ask the person two questions before they let him into heaven. "Did you find joy in your life? and Have you brought joy to others." And I would just like to tell my Grandpa that the answer to the second question is yes!

The Nightmare

Thursday morning, around 7:15 am. I woke up all sweaty and kind of shaken but still relieved that it was all just a dream. I had a really scary and disturbing dream. Actually, it started out pretty happy and unsuspecting.

I was sitting at a place that looked like a huge mall, or an airport terminal. I was alone, and started talking to another woman sitting next to me. She asked me for a particular number.. of shop or 'gate'. I looked at my map and told her where she'd need to go. After a while, I stood up and started walking to one of the gates too.

I think I WAS at an airport because next thing I remember is that I'm on a plane. The man sitting next to me looks very rich and suave. He started flirting with the chicks on the seats to our right. I got involved too. It was really fun. The girls were in kind of uniform. I think they were stewardesses too. But suddenly, something went wrong. The plane hit some kind of turbulence or something.. We all were in a state of shock. Everyone was silent.

Next thing I know, I am walking out...of the plane (I think).. through the narrow endless walkways..

The scary part's not yet begun. The part in the plane was actually kind of fun. I don't think I've ever dreamt of being in a plane ever before! So I brace myself as I recall that horrible incident and try to put it down in words as best as I can.

I was at the orientation ceremony for animation. It seemed like an open for all event so I went there just to see what its like. Don't forget the free food and refreshments. But then they asked all the parents and friends to leave. I figured I'd stay anyway. They closed off the part of the assembly ground we were in. I started getting more nervous.. What if I get busted! The place was starting to seem more and more like my school in Akola.

One of the staff members stood up and started talking. There was something about India and suddenly someone behind me cheered for India. And I turned around and it was some really geeky looking Indian guy. I gave him a smile and turned back.. My heart was beating faster and faster. What if they do a head count or roll call? They started handing out a little token/memento to all the students there. It was a like a multi colored 3d puzzle or something. There were these sticks in different thickness and lengths. They were all arranged in a way so as to make a bigger 3D cylinder. People started unwrapping it and the pieces fell apart.. Some of them got busy trying to put it back together..

But I was still thinking I don't belong here. Not right now. I must leave, I must run away!

Naina Gupta in my dream last night

I googled Naina on my blog and found out that I only have her name in one of the posts as 'people I would like to tag'. Naina is one of my good friends from Mount Carmel School, Akola. I studied all the way upto 10th grade with her. Even both our moms became good friends. She's got a younger brother called Varun who's about 4-5 years younger than me..(And Naina.) I remember we used to taunt each other a lot, we were really informal with each other. Even though her mom wanted her to be really polite and respectful. She's ask her to refer to me as 'aap' or 'tum' instead of 'tu'. (aap and tum is a hindi word for 'you' that is generally used to refer to older or more respected people. English doesn't have such a term so people who don't speak hindi wouldn't understand.) I, found that kinda hilarious and would tease her for that.

Well, it has been really long since I last spoke to her. Even when I was back in India, I didn't get around to meeting her. But last night, out of nowhere, I saw her. (yeah, in my dream of course!) It was a railway station in India. I don't know why, but I want to say Nagpur. I was walking towards the platform, and there was this dark hallway. It was pretty crowded, and I could barely make out a few faces. But suddenly, as I saw her, I called out loud, "Naina!" almost as if I was expecting to meet her there. And a few seconds later, she notices me, and even on her side, its not like we've met after long time. Imagine a situation where this kind of commute and running into each other is usual. We both walk out together to the platform talking.

Lying down on one of the sitting platforms there, is Pranav. I tell him to move out of the way, and both of us sit down. Me and Naina. We are talking, laughing and having fun just like the old days. I can't remember any specific topics. But now, I remember a lot of incidents from my school days. there was this one time she walked right into our house during lunch time when I was eating rice with dad. uh.. actually, he was spoon feeding ME rice. And I was pretty young at the time.. I was in the 10th grade. about 15. LOL. I notice her looking and is about to make a comment, I say, "there was only one spoon in the house!" I still turn pink thinking about that. Embarrassing. In school, a lot of kids would ask us both whether we were siblings because our last names are the same- Gupta. (I hated my last name just because it was so common.)

Anyways, after a really long time, long and fun time spent with her, a train arrived and she got on. We bid each other goodbye as if we were so certain we will meet each other again soon. A while later, I got onto a different train. And things started going wrong for me. I am not completely sure, maybe I was just traveling without a ticket... I hope it wasn't anything serious that the police wanted me for. I was sitting there, using my laptop, when suddenly, they came after me. I grabbed my stuff and ran to the door. The train was moving slowly, I was going to jump.. I paused for just a moment to think it over twice, and the train had picked up speed. I dropped the black 'incase' sleeve I put my laptop in. I wanted to jump after it but the train wasn't slowing down and had left the platform way behind by now. But as the cops got closer, in my panicking and sweating, I realize the train's slowing down again for just a second and I jumped.

Upon waking up just the next instant, I realize that its already 8 am and I'm late for my class! fuck!

First time I remember all three dreams so clearly

I have never seen dad ride a motorcycle. But the first of the three dreams I remember from last night, had dad riding the Bullet Machismo 500. I was out with dad somewhere. Looked like an out of the city area. And we were at a highway side food place. After we were done, to my surprise, dad sat down on the enfield on the rider position and asked me to get on as the pillon. So, dad's first time riding a motorcycle, and he's riding this 185Kg 500cc bike on the highway! Lets roll!

But we get into an accident. Nothing serious, But it seemed like the kid who came in front of us, did it on purpose. He wasn't even hurt, but the nearby village people ganged up on us. Dad tried his best to escape, but we were caught. At least we were saved from being beaten up.... or were we? Next thing I remember was waking up in their house.. maybe we were beaten unconscious and then they decided to take care of us.. well, whatever be the case, I ended up talking and making friends with the kid who came in front of the bike.

Moral of the story, ask dad to ride the bullet machismo 500.

It was a noisy, dark and distressed place. I had no idea why I was there but still, I walked along as it was all meant to be. Near the counter, I saw a familiar face hanging out with a can of beer. I had seen her before. At least 4 months ago. I still question the reason for my being here. But for the time I was there, I just need to fit in, and it'll be allright. I walk up to the girl behind the counter and asked her for a beer. She asks me for ID. I remove my wallet and pull out the sheridan college ID card.

So I was in canada? That would explain the girl. I had seen her around the college before. We had even talked on a couple occasions. But I can't remember her name. So I just grab my beer and leave the bar. I was walking around the place, which is not too crowded for a party.. or maybe the hall is really big! Well, that doesn't really matter. The next thing I know is that I am loosing control. Its like my muscles can't respond, do what I want them to do. My vision got weird and I also started having trouble balancing, staying on two legs. Everything was spinning around.

Right now, as I'm typing this, I know it was a dream, but at the time, it felt very real. Like nothing I've ever experienced before. Is this what being drunk feels like? I've never really been drunk. Or was I drunk for real last night? I don't remember. I had to stop what was happening. I had to counter the effect of alcohol in my blood incapacitating me. I tried to think.. food? How about if I have something to eat? I tried to grab some food from the buffet table by myself, but I was too hammered.

Then, I think I passed out.. this part of the dream is really hazy now. But maybe someone got me something to eat when I opened my eyes. Or someone took care of me and got me some food so I didn't pass out. But what doesn't make sense is that there is nobody there who'd do that for me...

The third dream, I can't really relate to. Its not really about me, but about me seeing this little girl working in a restaurant. I just happen to be there when she is explaining that some lesbians bully her, and treat her bad. But she won't run away. She will find other ways to avoid them and continue doing her job.. It all looked a lot like some movie. And it doesn't go any further... so the post ends here.

The nightmare theory.

Most kids when they watch a horror movie, then have a nightmare, will say, "I'm not watching that scary movie again." They'll have dreams they didn't like and they'll hope it never happens. But I have found that the reverse of this works pretty well. I have just formulated this theory. Hear me out.

If you were scared the first time you were watching a movie and had a nightmare, instead of vowing to never watch it again, go watch it so many times that its not scary anymore. If you see a dream in which you're doing something that leads to undesirable results, go and do that thing in real life. However, this can't obviously be applied to every dream that you have like jumping off a cliff or playing russian roulette. So use your discretion.

Let me illustrate this with an example of my own. I had a dream a few days ago, in which I was told to go on a very long journey. It was really crucial that I go. I would have to change trains, buses and god knows what other means of transport. However, I didn't want to do it... not alone. I was scheduled to leave within an hour or so. And I say to myself, "who can I call at this time to come along? Which one of my friends is crazy enough to do such a thing?" And of course, I decide to try Pranav.

I whip out my cellphone and try to type his name in the contacts search field to call him up. But I just couldn't type in the letters properly. I was in a state of urgency and I guess I was trying too hard to type fast leading me unable to punch the right keys. Frustrated, I exit the contacts, and try to enter the number directly. His is one of the very few numbers I know by heart. Its in my long term memory. But I guess it wasn't in my muscle memory as I couldn't even type 9050 properly. I kept pressing 8 and 6 and such numbers that aren't in his phone number at all.

By now, I was really sad, tensed, I was freaking out! I was crying. And in the horror of horrors, I woke up. The nightmare finally ended. I went to Pranav, I told him the dream, I kind of cried... almost. I kept wondering what could the dream mean. That one day I won't be able to make a call to Pranav? Or that I wouldn't want to call Pranav? Maybe someday he won't be there to help me or I wouldn't need his help. Maybe Pranav doesn't want me to call him anymore because he doesn't want to have anything to do with me... All these possibilities drove me nuts.

And I don't know how, I just knew what I had to do. I asked him to accompany me to wherever I was going. His response led me to realize that there are some places where he can't or simply won't follow me. No hard feelings. I called and texted him. And once again, just like old days, I accidentally typed his number on the phone instead of someone else's. So, by doing exactly what I saw in the dream, I stopped myself from thinking about it too much.

I met someone

I randomly met this girl who I seemed to know from somewhere before. We started talking, and she told me her name. I don't remember that now, but it was a muslim name. I find out that we had indeed met before and clicked off really well, but eventually lost contact. I really liked her. I wasn't even thinking about sujata, I had forgotten all about her for the time being. The real shocker came when she told me that some priest/fortune teller had told her that her partner would be "Yash Gupta." Wow! Do they do that? priests give you the full name of your future spouse? I still can't wrap my head around it..

That was the dream I had two nights ago when I slept at my house in aundh. And as soon as I woke up from that dream, I felt I had to talk to Pranav about it. But I couldn't get through to him till 10:30. I asked him should I tell this to people, and he said, "yeah go ahead. Its just a dream." so there! I would really love to hear reactions.

I was dreaming again

I had a really weird night yesterday after I went to bed at I don't know... 4 am? I kind of knew I couldn't go to bed because I had slept for almost 10 hours already. But other times when this happened, I would just stay wide awake. Last night, however, I went into this state of half drowsiness... I was dreaming, but my mind would know that its a dream, and when I tried to snap out of it, and wake up, I couldn't. I was so restless! It was like I was sick or ill.. I would have similar phases during sleep when I have a fever.

There were three things that happened. I only remember two of them now. One was that I was talking to pranav face to face. That was probably because I tried calling Pranav before I went to bed. Also, I was thinking, I'd tell him, "you, mister, have to make up for all the times we didn't communicate." And that would involve spending all day long, with me, going to movies and talking. Its weird.. now that I think back, I can't imagine what we could have probably talked about for so long! hehe... There's also a side of me who thinks this is really bad. I don't want it to happen to me what happened to Sujata.

Moving on, there was the second thing, which I remembered when I was in the kitchen looking in the fridge. I was in Nagpur eating roti made by mamiji. I could almost smell the rotis and feel the warmth. LOL. Though they weren't as perfect as mom makes, they were home made. And I do not mean that mamiji makes bad rotis, she makes good rotis.... maybe there's an explanation.... maybe they have hired some maid to do the cooking and I don't know about it that's why I feel they were made by her... LOL..

Oh, I just remembered how I ended up in nagpur. LOL. I was thinking(maybe a little too much) about my friends, and that I might not fit in with their changed lifestyle and schedule anymore. Maybe they won't even like me... but my cousins would still be my cousins. I would go to nagpur and meet divya, harsh, nikita... and then, I would obviously have to go to mamaji's house..

Lucid dream?

Its been a while since I blogged about my dream. And I think this one would damn well make up for it. This dream was a really happy dream. I was meeting old friends, and I was successful. I would achieve everything I wanted. It was like I was re-living my life and doing better than I did the first time around..

One of the incidents I remember was when I was at a really high platform, doing some 'stunt' for a contest/prize. I conquered my fear of heights! In another one, I dreamt that I had gone to some wedding with my parents and divya, and when I was coming back, I met hitesh, a guy from my school. We talked about what was gonna happen in school next, and stuff. Then we parted ways.

Another part was of me winning a race. It was like sports day at my school, and I was running in a 400m relay race. I can't say whether I had always wanted to run a race, but who doesn't like winning? And I think the win was symbolic of something... Maybe that I will achieve all my goals this time around. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Oh! I almost forgot to mention the hallucinations... hehe... I actually felt there was someone in the room, next to me or on the bed. And as soon as I try to look at it harder, or move my hand across, I'd realize there's no one there. Once it was Naniji, other times it was just one of my cousins... It was crazy!