Sunday, November 09, 2008

My Miserable Existance

Let's face it: It's not sudden, this has been a long time coming. I would periodically have these periods of down and lot of times I would even think of blogging it but I wasn't close to a computer. But tonight I can't wait anymore. Leaving two unpublished blog posts behind, I'm just going ahead with this one.

I've been sitting in my messy room for last 3 hours or so. It's 10 pm. Not going to go have dinner. Don't even feel like going to get some water for my parched throat and dry lips. Talked to parents and aunt and uncle over skype for a few minutes. Thank god for skype 'connection lost' errors.

I am lying on my bed, iPod in my hand, laptop barely within arm's reach and I feel.... I feel like I'm drunk without even consuming any alcohol. Somehow I feel it's a really comfortable feeling. I wish I had some booze so that I could heighten this relaxed feeling. Of not knowing what's going on, being completely numb.

Because I know as long as I'm conscious, I will only keep thinking about it over and over again. This one word I don't want to use on this blog.

So I'm just lying here, listening to my playlist..
A moment ago it seemed, it was yesterday you were here with me and everything seems to be OK ..
This wasn't what I wanted to be, a man in misery..
Mita do unhe.. Bhula do unhe..
And she will be loved..
Is it bright where you are, have the people changed..
Goodbye means nothing at all, makes me come back and catch her every time she falls..
For now we stand alone
The world is lost and blown
And I am master of a nothing place
Hate me today Hate me tomorrow..

Well.. It just keeps going.

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