After the Circa

Things I do, I do to try and get a strong reaction from people. Nobody has anything to say about my ice skating post, when I went to have sushi or the movie. Most of my dream or death posts. So I have failed with those topics.. I think I am starting to realize what gets certain people to react... Anyways, totally disregarding that for this post, here's something I've been meaning to write for a while now.

Let me explain what got me to impose this IM and social networking fast upon myself.

It was a week ago from now, I was in Toronto for the 'christmas' party at the Circa club on John street. It was 22nd of december. I was there with Sachin, Rajat and Franziska. (Franziska is the swiss chick.) After a beer, a shot of tequila and a shot of whiskey, plus a lot of dancing, we were all kinda tired and were just chilling out on the couch on the side. I was missing Sujata a lot and tried to give her a call. The phone rang and then I got the message that her number is busy. Disappointed and definitely not in a better mood, I went back inside.

After a little while more, we decided to jump that place, and head towards the go station or go someplace quiet where we could rest or maybe sleep till the morning when the train starts running again. So we were at a Tim Horton's. I quietly walked away and called up Sujata again. I didn't have much to say. was just missing her and wanted to hear her voice. But as the conversation progressed, I started speaking, in english, with the canadian accent that's second nature to me and just pops up without even me being aware of it. And suju snapped: "don't talk to me in that accent!" I tried to stick to hindi for the next few minutes and then my calling card ran out of balance.

That was straw one.

We had been sitting there so bored for so long that we guys were just going on and on about whatever topic we could find. And sometimes the conversations bordered on the retarded. I was enjoying meing stupid. Consciously stupid. I wasn't drunk. I was the one who had had the least to drink, and NOBODY was drunk. Then Sachin started to talk about his grandmother cursing him in punjabi. This conversation was straw two. (or maybe the part where Rajat went "Your surname is Gupta? Oh, so you're a Baniya!") I wasn't a part of it, because I barely remember what my grandmother used to say. But Sachin and Rajat went on.. joking about how there was no way I would have heard all that... I don't remember mch because I had retreated into my shell and was thinking...

I remembered meeting Sujata's grandparents, Abhinav's Grandparents, Hearing about Pranav's grandfather, and went through a flashback of my own interaction with my grandparents. I was really sad. But I didn't want to show or talk about any of it. I remembered things like when I was talking to Sujata and Mickey the other day. The quote 'Nobody feels sorry for you' came to mind. I think people just feel sory they have to listen to some stupid 'kid' whine. (Although talking to Sujata about my 'grudge' did seem to help me) And decided I don't want to talk to anybody at all.

And that was the last straw. I decided I won't be on IM for people to contact me. I wasn't going to recharge my India calling card. I planned on spending Christmas alone. (But Sachin called up and came to my place and we ended up making some food, watching kungfu panda together. It was great!)

The reaction that I got when I was not talking to Pranav for the first few days was that he would go around asking my other friends 'where is yash' but if I don't speak to any of those people either, what's he gonna do then? That's stupid, right? What can I say? I'm just a baby.