Dying note.

If anyone of you guys actually ends up at my funeral, maybe because someone else dragged you there, or you wanted to eat the free food, or maybe you just got lost and ended up at the shamshaan, I would appreciate if you go ahead and read this out to the people(if any) assembled there. I know you'll first have to convince them that it won't take long so you'd say something like 'This will only take 5 minutes so you can still get to the 'thank god he's finally dead!' party in time.'

GET OFF THE TUBE! I CAN'T BREATHE!

Hehe, no, (insert your name here) wasn't really standing on my oxygen pipe or anything, that ws just because I wanted to make you all laugh at my funeral. I could never imagine my funeral being a really sad and depressing event. I always Imagined my death would be some really bizzare and funny incident that people would love to share at parties or gatherings. Like for example, "So, that moron started chasing the bus, shouting 'wait for me!!!' The bus driver notices him, and stops, starts backing up the bus, and runs him over! Just like that really funny movie I watched! ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha!"

And that's why, you can be sure that when... (go through options a to d and read the one that suits best)

a) I fell to the ground from the 10th floor in attempt to fly,
b) I died of morbid obesity after eating a LOT of green vegetables,
c) I was squashed by the cow that fell on me,
d) I was killed by a goomba,

my last wish has been fulfilled and I will rest in peace. So you don't need to go around performing stupid rituals for my wellbeing in the afterlife. Also, nobody needs to worry about me haunting or stalking them as ghosts, I believe I have better things to do.

And yeah, all the people I owe money to, 'fuck off!'

Everybody that's left(I doubt there's any by this point...) thank you for staying with me. Bye bye now. Have a great day, great week, great month and a awesome great life. See you when the time's right.

And that's all folks!