Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Why do I have to be like this?

I was just having lunch at burger king when I got a call from dad. I talked to him about my possibility of moving to a different location next month. I said that I had seen this house about the same distance from college, same rent, but a bigger room, bigger house, and two other students living there. My current room, is small dark, hot(only during the summer, during winter, it was chilly!) and I strongly believe that is hampering my creativity and my work. Its also pretty lonely here and thats making me really depressed lately. Leading to me lagging in my academics a bit(but obviously, I would never tell that to my parents). Wait, I'm deviating here, lemme start over.

Why the fuck do I have to be such a soft hearted do gooder all the friggin time? I'm starting to relate myself to michael scofield these days. I could still look for similar places with lesser rent and closer to college, but wouldn't because I feel kinda obliged to stay with her because veronica was so nice, she picked me up from college, showed me around the house, talked to me so nicely and even droped me at dominion later on. Also, I wasn't too keen on leaving this place because Kevin was really nice to me in the first few months, walking me to college, driving me to toronto, taking me to lacross match, easter dinner etc. I really feel I need to put these kinda things behind me asap!

Just because of this kind of attitude, I am never gonna be able to get things done. I have been thinking for few days now, whether I should talk to abhinav bhaiya and let him know that I'll be moving. Ask for his help in picking a good place and maybe ask him if he'd help me move. But I feel it'll be really awkward and maybe kind of wrong. Maybe he'll think I'm asking him to return a favour because I helped him move. Plus, he helped me out even when I first came to canada, he visited me and took me out on holi. So he has done so much for me, and now by asking him for this, I wouldn't want him to think I'm 'using' him too much. Neither would I want him to feel 'responsible' for me, because he has been doing everything for me. I am almost 20, I should be able to handle things on my own by now. And thinking about all this, made me feel really sick. (or is it the burger/onion rings?)

So I decided if I am feeling so strongly about this, I should post it. I was also discussing this with abhinav just few mins ago, about how and why I became like this. If only someone has a way to undo this, to make me NOT care about such small things, please let me know.


  1. Hmm...i guess this is only because of your attitude i should say. Therez one more thing which i wouldnt be speaking out here but is a reality. I had seen many people of such kind. BTW , your much into these thoughts when you watch Prison Break , thats wat happened with me too :P

  2. no bud, its not entirely michael scofield.That's just how I usually am when I'm not bugged by your kind.