another "I didn't get into animation" post...BOO FREAKIN HOO!

Yesterday, me, Sujata, and Pranav initiated a fun, friendly three way conference on skype. We were having so much fun, that I decided to record the chat. We talked about the email that Myke sent me, and I was making fun of pranav because his microphone wasn't working. So he had to type or be quiet while both of us were talking away. And at a point he got pissed, sent me message 'teri to' and 'tujhe bhi dekh lunga' to sujata.

And I guess if one has enough motivation, he can do anything. Because pranav finally got his mic working. He said he had plugged it in the wrong place. I didn't expect him to do such a stupid thing. LOL. Anyways, then we really got talking! It was so much fun. I found out even Mohini was there. She didn't talk much tho. I guess she was busy with something. I continued to tell them about my plans.

I had talked to dad and he said he was the only one coming to pick me up in mumbai. Well, that was a bummer. I remember when Aniruddh bhaiya came to India, everyone was super excited to meet him and wanted to go to the airport to receive him. And I was expecting at least my mom and sister to be there to welcome me. That's when pranav said something that I still can't get out of my head. The entire recording is here. I don't want to quote him on this.

Back when I was working on my portfolio, I would always think about what its gonna be like if I go to India having not gotten into animation? My analogy, I would be like a soldier returning to the country after loosing a battle. The shame and humiliation that I didn't die for my country, while others did. And I let those martyrs down. I couldn't win it for them. But I am 'winning' admission into the college, and the sacrifice is the good times I could have had with my best friends, not my parents... my parents always believed I was good for nothing. The person who mattered the most was pranav. Is there any wonder why he's the last of all the people to know I didn't get in?

I thought I couldn't possibly face him if I return to India as a reject. He was the one who (explicitly) had high hopes of me. And for all the times he's stood up for me, this is what I am going to give in return? He would be very disappointed in me, and I wondered what turn our friendship would take.

"I could have spent the same time being there to support him through the hard times he had to go through. He wouldn't be alone so much, he'd have someone to go to the movies with..." I thought.

But I cannot turn back time. I cannot undo anything. And I cannot erase what is there now. This also applies to pranav. I cannot stop thinking about what he said and its not going to be easy living with that. I feel the life fleeting from within me.