Wednesday, April 02, 2008

There are signs

Continued from the post "Not accepted into animation, yet"

It may sound or appear like I am taking this well. And I like to think so too. But last night I realized I had kinda lost it, for one whole day. See, when I first found out that my portfolio didn't make it to the cutoff, I came back home, started drawing, and then mickey called....Or did I call him up? That's not important. We decided to go catch a movie. Because what mickey said was "you should say, I'm gonna give myself one hour to feel sorry for myself. Then I'm gonna stop sulking.." Lat night, I realized that I had not talked to people for the most of the day. And I said, ok, I've sulked for a day, and now I am going to go downstairs and get something to drink or eat.

I went downstairs, talked to jon and steph. I had a couple wings and I made myself a glass of milk. I came back upstairs then went to bed a while later. I was really tired. Don't know how. I hadn't done any physically draining activity. I also hadn't had any lunch! My food habits have been rather erratic for the last couple of days. This morning I realize I've lost some weight.

I don't want to land in India looking skinny. Because if they see me skinny, my whole story of "I haven't lost any weight in canada." will look false. So I tried to eat more today. I had some grapes/assorted fruits, a sandwich and half a pizza all day. I was feeling hungry earlier, and I went down to get some milk. And realized there were lumps in the milk. My calculations prove that I didn't even finish half of the two liter milk carton in about 2+weeks. I had to throw that out. My juice seems to have some fibrous stuff forming in it... I'm still drinking it tho. It can't possibly kill me. Cream cheese has started smelling funny too. Will throw it out whenever I feel like it.

This makes me think what was my repression from food was for. like people who eat a lot under stress, do I skip food when I'm stressed?

"But I don't think I'm stressed."
"Oh really? What's with the grinding teeth then?"
"I don't grind my teeth. The toothache is just....candy!"
"halloween was over 5 months ago stupid."

Ok, I admit I've been grinding on my teeth involuntarily as of late. But I stop it as soon as I realize that I'm doing it. (But the tooth and jaw ache just won't go away)....

whoa. I just blanked out. I guess I'll just publish it now.

No comments:

Post a Comment