Friday, September 12, 2008

Screw it all!

When I was in India, I had a particular way of living. I also had plans of what I'd do when I came back to Canada. But after I came to Canada, my lifestyle changed, and so did my plans. I didn't talk about my plans with anyone because I wasn't sure how much of it would actually materialize. And now that I see it all failing, I sadly admit that that I am abandoning the mission.

To do this post, I tried to make two columns where I post my plans, and my changed plan. I'm not sure how many browsers or display resolutions will be able to support it properly. But it all failed. I can't do it, so Lets just go paragraph by paragraph.

In India, I had very ambitiously hoped, when I came to Canada, I would start using the college gym facilities. A little workout to keep my body active. I also wanted to learn squash. And since there are a couple squash courts in the athletic center, I figured it shouldn't be much of a problem. I really wanted to do more than just sit around all day.

However, it has been almost two weeks now, and I haven't once gone into the college Athletic center. I picked up a notice of someone selling his squash racket but never ended up calling the person. I have, however, been doing some basic shoulder and bisceps exercises with the weights in the gym in the house I live in.

But it's all useless unless I eat properly. And I had something planned on that front as well. I had a really good strategy mapped out to buy and eat more food. Healthy food. I need enough fibre in my diet so that what goes in, goes out faster. I would do things like space out the shopping periods right. Consume the food before it expires. Also, get Protein supplements. With regular food costing anywhere between 5-10 dollars per meal, suddenly, buying supplements doesn't seem so expensive.

But I am loosing weight. I can't cook in this god awful kitchen. My timings are totally haphazard. Somedays, I leave early just to get a ride from Atif. Other days, I get up late because I don't have an alarm. (My cellphone was my only alarm for a long time, and now its battery is dead and the charger won't work.) I don't come back home in the middle of the day because its so far away from the college. And just to sit downstairs with the food while stupid hindi movies and serials are playing on the TV is torture!

In general, I had planned to be happy. But how or why would I be happy? Most people I know here, from last year are in Animation or Illustration programs. So I wouldn't have those friends. Half a world away from Friends and family in India. So I failed my plan again. I am too proud (or scared?) to admit I am sad here.

I had planned to work hard, do well in college, and get into animation. Make them proud. Now I go, who they hell is 'they'? Who really cares? Who really believes in me? I can't continue telling myself that either my 'physical well being' or 'Ambition' is my top priority. Right now, what matters more is for me to be is my mental health. I am on the verge of breaking down. Or maybe I already have. Things my friends say helps.. only holds up the pieces for a short period and then I shatter again.

So, the new plan: Live my life like the 'rich SOB' that I am. Just have fun, enjoy my time here in Canada to the fullest. Screw Ambition, screw animation. I've got to make the most of my time here, live it up! Spend my dad's hard earned money and not give a damn. Not worry a bit. And life will go on.

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