Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Sometimes I find happiness in being sad

Just like the weather went from +8 yesterday to -12 this morning, I went from being happy, to not so happy and then being happy again.. I guess.. The title itself is self contradictory. If I am happy, I'm not really being sad am I? But what I meant to say in the title is that when I'm quiet, and alone, and thinking about emotional things things that really influenced me, from way back when, I start feeling happy in the reminiscence of the 'good old days'. Its because I am so devoid of emotions and those moments here that whenever I get the time to just sit and 'think', I feel like I'm teleported to a whole different place. And that's my happy place.

I remember when I was in Pune, when I was younger, I was almost always around things that I was so emotionally attached to. If something happened between me and Arjun bhaiya, if something happened with me and my friends, I always had someone to turn to and talk about. No, more importantly, I didn't hesitate to talk about the kind of things with anyone. Uh... well, ok, even if I did hesitate.. a little... I did end up getting it off my shoulder. Now, I have accepted the fact that I'm gonna have to look after myself. For instance, when I found out pranav's house had been broken into, I didn't immediately pick up the phone and call oliver or Taruna. I figured, they have nothing to do with this. Why bother. This morning, when I woke up at 4 or 5 am, because of the loud noise the wind was making against my window, I didn't go around complaining about it to everyone. I think the me from before last year would have raised hell about it. hehe...

I miss times like when I was going to Mumbai for my visa application and I smsed sujata I was going for the interview, and she messaged me a 'good luck' message that really boosted my confidence. I called up Pranav when I got my package from VFS (I don't remember what it stands for) and I told him to 'wish me luck' before I opened the package while still on the phone with him. Like when my flight got delayed and first thing I did when I found it out was text my friends. I wish I could do the same again. Just run into someone and yell to her/him about how friggin hungry I am right now. Or maybe throw a tantrum about how bad this food tastes. Talk to someone about how anxious I am about whether I will get into animation or not...

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