Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Stupid gamble.

Ok, so I`m on the phone with pranav and I just stopped speaking. I cant think of anything else to say. I recall the time I was talking with sujata..she said she cant think of anything to say to pranav anymore... its like they`ve drifted apart. Then I remember the time I told pranav about tha and he said even 'the others' dont know what to talk to pranav about..

That really scared me. Because I believe we had a special friendship. Not like between him and any of the other people discussed above. I really felt like we were gonna be "friends for ever" but then this happens and I`m thinking have we been distanced? how could this happen? We were so much alike and had gotten so close in such a short time..

so I hung up. I said something else is distracting me right now...and it was.. I had to sms my older bro, my psychiatrist, the great philosopher who has all the answers.

me:man I didnt think this would happen with me but it just did. Right now, I was talking with pranav and I couldnt think of what to say next..so I hung up saying something`s distracting me..talked to suju..hate that I cant sms her anymore...

well the last part is unimportant..or is it? I had thought I`d also forward this sms to pranav...

surprised? My brain just urged me to do that. Lets see what he has to say to that.. what his reaction would be..but because it had to lok like it was sent to pranav by a mistake, I had to add that part which makes it clear that I was sending it to sumit but instead sent it to pranav.

I am pretty sure I`ll confess this to pranav before he gets to read this...if not, I`m just a big pussy who doesnt have any guts in him and is better off alone anyways.

as of now, pranav still hasnt responded and I cant even imagine whats going on in his head.

next sms I send is to bhaiya : hey dude I had deliberately sent that sms to pranav2..dunnowhats gonna happen now. but I just felt I should play this gamble.hmm this is interestin to blog about

which is exactly what I`m doing now..

he replied: its fine pal, sometims it happens like that, clogged thoughts u see. chuck it off from your mind as I always suggest you to. alrite? ;-)

me: but dude we always talked..thats something I really cherished and was proud of..

him: dont take enerything for granted boss. not even your own thoughts and feelings. and why are u thinking so extremely? it may be temporary. and you can call suju and know her instant reaction.

I havent called suju yet. I`m not gonna. dont want to ruin her vacation...

And if I cant trust my gut instincts/feelings, what CAN I trust? this is just so puzzling now.. I need to talk to someone in private to resolve this. But cant because everyone in the house is able to hear if I say anything even in the lowest volume necessary to carry out a phone conversation.
now my brains stopped functioning. I`m sitting here like a zombie typing away..I`m sweaty but dont want to move. somebody save me!

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